My dear, kind, generous, and loving ex...

 You've made a big change in your life, and your life style.And as for being jaded, well if thats what you are let me join the club..... and I expect there's a lot more of us out there. Also you were probably in a state of chaos getting ready for and then actually moving, then there's the unpacking and settling in, and helping the kids settle in. What have done to help yourself settle in? Try setting up a room for you and surround yourself with familiar things. Remember it takes time for a place to feel like home, whether its a move around the block or to another state.

And try to make friends, thats the hardest part, believe me I know. And don't always judge a book by its cover. When people look at me they see some middle aged pudgy old broad whocan hardly walk some days. They do not see me or who I am. It usually takes time but who knows what's really going on in june cleaver's head. And in the meantime you've always got us, and I'll always be here so feel free to e-mail me anytime. [email protected]. I know what its like to feel alone. How about getting a pet for you and the kids. A dog can be great company, especially when the kids are out or in school. Just a thought. Keep in touch. Please.

 

dezri/jan

Hi Ex  -- Yes, I too am a member in good standing of the Society of Jaded North Americans --lol...NOTHING can shock me anymore ( other then the fact that athletes & Hollywood actors are now leaders of our Planet--oy vey!) But seriously though, I give you alot of credit for being brave enough to make such big changes in your life--I thinks its great! If we don't take some risks in this world then we'll probably have a very boring & unfulfilling existence..Change is the most difficult thing for humans to deal with--but its one of the only ways we can grow--Nothing though, is carved in stone--We can can always make changes to our changes if we're not pleased with the results ( I just confused myself-lol--it doesn't take much to confuse me these days--lol--OK , I'm finished amusing myself--sorry)...Moving one's home base is a huge & traumatic change (especially if one moves to the Valley of the June Cleavers--just kidding--Damn it--I can't get serious tonight--)  Sorry Ex, I shouldn't smoke pot before I go on HoH yet I keep making that same mistake over & over again (sound familiar to anyone??) Well, I'm gonna get out of here before I really put my foot in my mouth--or is it too late for that......Hang in there Ex & please don't take me seriously--Sorry to hear about your depression--I too was in a prolonged slump until I began my this antidepressant Celexa (my 1st experience ever with antidepressants & boy am I impressed)..The quality of my life has improved 100%..If you ever want to drop me a line please do NOT hesitate--I mean that....your friend Isacc/Indigo

dearest ExH;

 

is it a coincidence that the topic of your feeling displaced with this move and seeming to be undergoing a grieving process comes up on a thread that initially addressed unresolved grief for your partner/life-love?  i don't think so, sweetie...my son's daddy died 8-10-99, the anniversary  of which is right around the corner, and I myself find the process to be similar to the proverbial  unpeeling of the layers of an onion.  Every 'first',  each new experience solo,  prompts the issue to surface again but at a slightly different level......however often surprisingly the same in intensity.  I often feel surprised at the sense of being 'sucker-punched".... For the most part, I have grown accustomed to the dull ache that can recede to the background but always lingers...but sometimes, almost out of nowhere, it is as acute and fresh as if it were recent...and we had lost Chris for all practical purposes some years before he died (unintentional overdose..more than a bit greedy) after he underwent an entire personality change and had begun a serious quest to kill us (literally, my gentle giant had become a predator)....his death was in many ways a relief..he is free at last.  So are we....I have grown to view this enormous personality change to be attributed to organic impairment of the disease on his brain itself...at the time I solely blamed the drugs...I have wandered from my point, which is that since my loss carried a lot of ambivalence (with relief co-mingled with grief) it would seem natural that the loss of one with whom one was still in a viable love union would be even more traumatic and lingering in the pain and sorrow....and as you shared initially in this thread, you had perceived some possible/probable ongoing link with him at the home you were in...there may be some sense of this having dissipated since that time with your move...

 

on an entirely different note, you are describing the same feelings I have heard expressed by those who have literally emigrated from a foreign land...surely to move from the heart of the city to a country setting is a culture shock and perhaps some of your identity or sense of self is linked with the familiar environment in which you have been for so long....you may need to reaffirm to your own self who you are and what you are about and where you are heading, sorta like taking an inventory or devising a mission statement!  Whatever it takes to get grounded...others' suggestions  here along those lines are great...give yourself time and space and mindfully establish some ties to the familiar in your nesting...

 

 

girlfriend you ARE a survivor, and you will certainly discover many way cool things about yourself through this whole process of moving and grieving and nesting and rooting....LOL it IS a sucky system, this one of growth through pain, butit seems to be the one we are given!!

 

Keep us updated on how you are adjusting and the ways you begin to make sense of all this to yourself...I for one would clearly benefit from you sharing your process in this phase of your journey!!!

 

Remember that you are valued here....peace, freeespiritt

ExH --   MY prayers will be with you for your upencoming little visit to the garage for humans-- I'm sure you'll be in the hands of a top mechanic, & we'll be sending you a nonstop wave of HoH healing vibes---You're gonna do just great ExH--Please keep us posted..........All the Best--Indigo

I totally believe in life after death.  My sister was killed in a car accident back in 1991.  A few years after that during Christmas, I was walking out next to the Christmas Tree on Christmas Eve like my sister and I always used to do.  We had put an ornament on the tree in her honor, it was shaped and decorated like a little wreath and it had a little pic of her in the middle. As I passed the tree that night I closed my eyes and spoke to her and then all of a sudden the ornament fell off the tree and landed at my feet.  I knew she was there, all around me, looking after me, telling me it is all going to be okay.  Do I believe in life after death, yes I do!!