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I'm doing well, staying clean and focusing on getting ready for the baby. I'm still on methadone and that's going well. I'm attending a weekly support group and getting acupuncture, both help me to stay clean. I've been trying to exercise more so that I bounce back from having a baby faster. I'm small for being 8 1/2 months pregnant but the baby is okay. I have no strech marks which is wonderful, that was always my biggest fear about getting pregnant. My body is very important to me, I guess you could call me vain. I like being clean and being able to focus on eating right and really taking care of myself again. It's great to take pride in your appearance, that's something that gets neglected when you're really strung out. Anyways, today is my baby shower and I'm looking forward to seeing a lot of my old friends that don't use. I haven't been the best friend over the past 7 years due to my addiction but they haven't given up on me. I'm really happy that everyone I invited is planning on showing up. It will be great to be together with all my real friends again. Friends I've known since I was a kid, real friends. So I'm really excited about that. As far as the boyfriend is going, that's the only bad thing going on in my life. I had to kick him out of my home last Saturday for stealing money and using cocaine in my home after I repeatedly told him that wasn't allowed. So he returned to the streets, I guess he doesn't mind being homeless because the drugs are that worth it to him. He's on methadone so it's not heroin that's an issue anymore. It's crack. He's been to jail twice this week, he got arrested Tuesday and got released Wednesday. Then he called last night after getting arrested again. He probably won't get out until Monday. I made sure he got dosed in jail on Wednesday and today I called right when the clinic opened and spoke with the dosing nurse so he could get dosed in jail today and tomarrow or however long he's in there. He hadn't been in trouble with the law since 2002, now's been arrested twice for criminal tresspass. Basically he was see loitering in a known drug zone and the cops arrested him because he's been warned not to hang in that area. All of it makes me sad because I'm pregnant with his son, the baby is due 11/05 and he's not getting his shit together. He got back on methadone in July and was doing alright for awhile. I guess the crack is the most important thing right now for him. He has an appointment to try Antabuse on the 29th, this med has been successful in helping crack heads on methadone quit smoking the stuff all together or at least reducing their use significantly. He needs his dose raised also. I can't live with this man anymore because not only do I not want to but I'm having a baby and I can't subject my son to that kind of crap. So life is good except for the shit my man is going through. I'm really doing a lot better as far as how I deal with him since I started dealing with my codependency issues. I've been reading Codependent No More, it's great. I suggest all family members of addicts read the book, it's really really helpful. I feel more confident and stronger when I stick to my boundries in dealing with him. Well gotta go, take care everyone. Once baby is born I will post pic's for you all to see. I'm so excited. I never thought I would want to be a Mom and here I am all excited and happy! Funny how life works out. Thunderkiss |
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Wow Thunderkiss, you sound EXCELLENT! I can not wait for the pics of your new son! It's is funny how life works out, isn't it? Sometimes having kids do make us think, make us have something to better ourselves for. Keep up the good work Thunderkiss you're awesome, sue |
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| | From:  ©Sha | Sent: 9/23/2006 9:58 PM |
Yes it is TK..if we hang in log enough life can have a way of being a pleasent surprise. It's really good to know you and the little one are doing so well..I'm sorry about your guy..but you've got your priorities straight..even though I know in a perfect world he'd be there beside you. Perhaps some day girl..someday You must be pumped for the shower huh...like an old Brownie-Girl Guide saying goes. "Make new friends but keep the gold..for one is silver the other gold," you can't beat the feelings & memories they bring with them. I've been lucky that way too..my very good friends have stayed with me..although for the life of me I cannot understand why sometimes. You have fun tonight TK..enjoy these special times..you so deserve it. Wish I was a fly on the wall..it sounds like it's going to be a blast. Sha x |
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you've made so much effort and come so far..as much as you may care about your b/f,you have to ask yourself,does he really care about you,and the baby?if you don't put an end to this now,you can be certain,at some point,he will drag you back down with him.don't let him ruin all the great work you've done so far..and destroy the second chance you have at having a good life with your child.you have so many wonderful things to look forward to now..share them with the people that really care about you and your welfare.you know it already,but sometimes the heart can confuse the sense your head is trying to make of the situation.be strong..you've done the hardest bit...the rest should be easy. kat |
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It was my baby that kept me clean. I was headed for a relapse when I found out I was pregnant, and couldn't even consider it. Our litttle ones don't ask for our shit. Speaking of which - gotta go!!! It's harder for our men, then don't get to carry the baby and feel the glo. Goodluck, be safe and I hope you get cool pressie's!! |
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| | | From: ©Sha | Sent: 9/24/2006 10:35 AM |
An u-pdate on the shower and baby pics when the time comes.. Oh Yea! |
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TK, In the last 3 1/2 yrs or so I have watched you grow so much. You have fallen a few times and always managed to get back up. Im so proud to have met such a wonderful person who never gives up, your amazing, you know that??? Im sitting here with a HUGE SMILE on my face, Im so happy for you and for the new little one. Your going to be a great Mommy, I can feel it. Just dont forget to always talk to him, and tell him you love him, every single day. I would love to send you a special little gift for the baby if you can trust me with your address.. [email protected] It would bring me great pleasure in sending that special little one something. I cant wait for his arrival, you hang tough, your going to be an amazing Mom. Im here for you if you need anything, ok?? Love the future Aunty Karen  p.s. I read the co-dependent No More book , it certainly opened my eyes to things I thought i was doing out of love........... |
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My perspective on the whole codependant thing is that we were bought up with a desperate need for unconditional love coz our needs as children were not met in some way. As we grow we are on the outside looking in learning to iconise/idolise what we percieve as 'love'. We start to under value our selves and our self worth as we don't have the one thing we have always coveted. Then when it comes our way, no matter how unhealthy or destructive we cling to it, and live in fear of being alone, coz some how it has been demonised. As has the idea/action of doing what is right for ourselves. We tell ourselves that we're selfish and wrong if we put ourselves first. So we let others fling thier shit at us and some how it becomes ours. I remember the first time a friend knocked on my door (unannounced and I wanted none of it) and I pretended I wasn't home. I was so proud of myself. It sounds petty and silly, but it is very much setting your boundaries and sticking to them. I was so lucky, I breezed into motherhood, and although there was one quick relapse when she was one and her father finally left (I was glad, he was trouble). If you don't think about it and just love your little one the way you want to be loved everything falls into place. Or it has for me. Sure there are times I thought the sky had fallen, but love is our bond and the bad times she's unaware off get forgotten. There is nothing as overwhelming as when they first had you this tiny little helpless tiny person. I have a photo of the moment and my face says it all - why the hell are you giving her to the most irresponsible person in the room?!!!! Now, god help any one who puts thier hands on her or talks out of turn... Mama's got a mighty roar. Also, people thought I was only 6 - 7 mths when she was born. She was 2wks early and right in the middle of 'adverage' size. She also had her umbelical cord between her hand and chin - scaring us all with her dodgey heart rate!!! She was a drama queen ever since the womb!! Soaking up the attention!!! It's the best ride ever, I'm SSSOOOO jealous. Enjoy sleeping while you can!!!!! |
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|  0 recommendations | Message 9 of 13 in Discussion |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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i was wondering if you had trouble concieving well on h............. |
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I am so sorry I have not posted to this until now..been kinda busy with Joe. I am so happy for you and I like everyone else...CAN NOT WAIT for some pictures. That little one is a very lucky baby...to have you waiting for his arrival. YOU GO GIRL!!! The thought of babies on here make us all do a little ....aaaahhhhh...so sweet...so soft....they smell so wonderful...baby poo and all... Jackie |
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oh, I forgot....Thanks a hell of a lot SHA...I have been singing that damn girls scout song since I read your post....Do they really still sing that???? shows my age...best times of my life sit-upons camp-out tents spending my dues money on candy and then getting my ass beat by my Mom for a fucking quarter!!!!! She had five girls and every summer for two weeks she would send us all to girl-scout camp...bet that was a vacation to her!!!! anyhooo love ya Jackie |
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