Hi Karen, T,

 

Missed you too Karen, haven't finished with it yet still another 3 and 1/2 months to go. At least it's in the winter time. T this rehab was court mandated, conditional on my getting bail if I agreed to go to rehab...to help ease whatever sentence I may get. My next court date in Jan 6th.

 

But even so it's not too bad, I found a decent place that takes you on methadone and allows you to stay on it. They believe in the 'Harm Reduction,' theory as opposed to methadone just substituting one drug for another like many other rehab's do. I do know what you mean T about being scared, old school users didn't have many rehab options back in the day and the ones they did have sounded more like prison camps then what they were supposed to be. With the exception of staying in a detox place for 2 days way back when, I too had never been to a rehab before either.

 

I don't know if you're in the states or not, but in Canada the government will pay or subsidize the cost for you. For sure you have to call around and feel out different places and what their protocol is. Basically treatments focus on these two areas, behavioral therapies and medication therapies. Ask what type of approach they use..group, one on one, reality therapy, do they focus on the areas of addiction treatment that work best for the client. The therapies can consist of personal programs, group programs, family programs, and some are balanced with experiential therapy. There's also the question of outpatient versus inpatient.

 

In general I've found the people are really there to help, Of course there are many other users there too, most either there for cocaine or alcohol, for heroin there was just myself and another girl there out of 22 people. All age groups but more young than older. You have to ask what they give you or if they give you anything to help with withdrawal, unless they allow you to come in with your methadone. Alot do alot don't..so one has to do their homework. It's not like jail because if you put yourself in there, then you're free to leave at anytime. Yes they have their rules and without a doubt though there's usually always someone on a power trip who thinks they know absolutely all there is to know about addiction, In my little experience they seem to be the exception rather than the rule. I've found it's important you tell them (after a few days of checking things out) what your needs are if they aren't being met, Many places will streamline a little to help in those areas they don't normally address for the status quo. There will always be someone in there you can relate to.

 

You know T, for me it's more about what I bring into the place than what it brings to me..if you're head is there, trying to make it better, doing the work..learn why and how I/we got to where we are, then one can really get to know the self again. Because for me it's like 9 times out of 10 I'm facing a stranger in the mornings. I've been on one opiate or the other for over 35 years now..truth is I don't know who I am really, the last I remember I was 13/14 and now I'm a full grown woman..try melding those two together without freaking out just a little bit. Often I don't even like the person I've become, it's like there are two of me..and I'm holding on to the non-user for dear life.

 

Why..because I want more out of this life..out of myself...I need more. This drugging thing is just too hard now, and boring too. Sure I get off sometimes and it feels good in the moment.,.but it's gone all too fast and I'm left with a head trying to figure out how the hell I got to this place.

 

There's so much more to it than what I've written here T..it runs deep..but it is obtainable..that's something I'll never give up on. It's like my biggest wish is to know myself, and feel what it's like to have no drug whatsoever in my system..just one more time, before my life on this planet ends...I want to re-meet who I am.  I know I'm in there somewhere.

 

The below places explains it a little better as far as therapies go:

 

Wow I rambled on just a little didn't I..email me if you want to know something else I go back in this coming Monday.

 

Have the best of holidays and a delightful 2009

 

Sha