Heritics of Heroin

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I am so sick of this shit.

I feel the hollowness echoing thru me.

I am resposable - and hated for it.

I try my best and am hated for it.

Logically it is not real.

In my heart it feels like I'm a selfish - useless bitch, who should have done a terrible thing then as I am certainly doing one know.

I feel like a huge burden to any one I meet.

I beg for help, and I get the old - 'it will get better - your doing a great job'.

I don't need cliche's I need help.

Just for now - until my disfunctional brain settles down.

Thing is I can't get it until my brain settles down as I terrify people - I am the crazy freak that every one avoids as I scared the shit out of them.

I am the steriotype.

I am the hollowness.

All I can hear is the echo.

Hi Lisa,

The best tool I can give you after reading this post is to do positive affirmations. I know....it sounds real corny but they work. You need to start reprogramming and focusing on what you have the positives... instead of what you don't have and the negatives.

If you want some I can give you a whole bunch....

Love and Joy

Karen

~Hurts do heal ~

Time has a wonderful way of erasing bad feelings and leaving us with good ones. Our memories are selective, and fortunately, the pleasant ones seem to have more staying power. Whatever has been real and meaningful for us tends to remain with us - the rest gradually fades away. We can assist this selective process of memory by consciously letting go of the thoughts and feelings that disturb our serenity.

You might imagine yourself making a package out of a disappointment, your hostility, some hurt feelings, or whatever is hampering your spirit. Wrap the package tightly and ship it off to a Higher Power. Send it airmail, if you like.

Refusing to dwell on our wounds allows them to heal more quickly. In our program, there is no place for self-pity. Gratitude for all the good fortune that comes our way keeps us healthy.

I will remember that what hurts today will pass in time. I can speed its departure by refusing to indulge in self-pity.

You are reading from the book:

"Inner Harvest"

by Elisabeth L.

There is a difference between logic and what you feel.

Saying affirmations, or what ever does not convince your brain or heart that it is true.

You never know when the mood will swing and the smile will come.

The bad time are scary, and I do not exagerate when I say I am alone.

Lily is all I have, and that is on me, no other.

The truth and the heart/brain are two different things and unless you are in the midst of it too you have no idea - just a memory - of how it feels.

Hi Lisa,

I do know exactly where you are coming from. I have been in recovery for 20 years and have been through drugs, alcohol, abuse, homelessness, on death's door and the list goes on.

Believe me I still have my own demons to fight but by doing my healing and staying focused on it I have been brought from the depths of hell to where I am today. And that is from being suicidal from the time I was able to walk and talk to being able to access joy and happiness most of my waking hours.

You ask for help but then you turn around and shoot anyone down that gives you any kind of advice.

I only post through my own experiences and put out information that I know that works for people as well as myself. I am also a medical professional and work with healing the mind, body and spirit everyday. In order to heal you have to treat the body as a whole, not in pieces. You cannot treat the physical without treating the mental and the emotional. It does not work. You can surpress the symptoms by treating one aspect but that does not get to the core and produce the actual healing.

By doing positive affirmations, it does change the mind, body as well as the spirit. This is just a small pebble in a huge pond and it is a great place start if you are serious about getting well.

No one can change anything for you, people can only give you the tools to help you on your path. It is your decision on what you want to do with those tools.

I got this far in my recovery by being willing to listen to others and apply their wisdom and recovery tools that they shared.

And I was not willing to listen to anyone until my 11th year of being clean and sober because in my own sick mind I knew better then these crazy people that were telling me this wierd shit.

When I surrendered and quit fighting against the current that is when things started to change for me. They can change for you to.

Good Luck to you....

Love and Joy

Karen

I've been off HOH for a couple days.....just so damn tired I couldn't find any energy.

Anyway, whats up? Hey, if there is ANYthing I can do let me know. I'm still waiting to win the stupid lottery so I can get that big house where we all can live.

TRY to look at anything that is good in your life. Make a list. I swear, it kinda works for me when I'm feeling crazy/depressed. There has GOT to be some good stuff goin on.

In a way I like being alone. My counselor at the clinic says it is unhealthy to want to be alone, but I cant help it. Nobody calling me, bugging me to do this or do that or go there. I just like to stay home these days.

I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

I will email you soon. hang in there, okay? give Lily a hug.

Both my councilors keep pushing me out and I'm trying, but I've always been a loner - ever since for ever. Rather put my nose into a bush under a tree - or in the lav!!!

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