Heritics of Heroin

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I have been on and off methadone several times. I once was on it and quit going to clinic at 10mg. I was sick and ended up shooting dope again. I got on it years later and detoxed off of it in April 2002. I was on 60mg and went into a treatment/hospital enviornment and they took me down from 60 to 0 in 11 days. I was on many meds. I took something for restless leg sydrome, clonidine(used to detox heroin addicts), either klonopin/ativan (I can't remember), and it seems like a few more, however, the point being that IT STILL SUCKED.....I still hurt and I couldn't even smell food. I was released after 11 days and I took those meds and still felt the pain months later. It took 4-6 months before I felt normal again. I ended up in the ER one night because I was dehydrated. I COULDN'T have done it without meds, and I wanted off the crap SO BAD I was willing to go to ANY lengths. I was miserable. I moved away from my home so I couldn't score because I probably would have. I HATE methadone. I know the purpose it serves, but for me it was a short term solution to a long term problem. I was not willing to stay on it for the rest of my life. I would love to discuss this with anyone willing to talk....I am so very passionate about this issue..

I'm on 65 mg of methadone. I've been on it for about 2 yrs now. Today my counsler and I discussed a detox plan for me. I think I am going to detox 5 mg. and then after about a month start going down very slowly, maybe 2 or 3 mg per month.

Is the reason you hate methadone because it didn't work to keep the cravings away or because when you tried to get off it you got so sick? I was wondering if maybe you tried to detox way to fast? You say you went from 60 mg. to nothing in 11 days? IMO that is way too fast!

Can I ask how long were you using heroin before you went on methadone?

When you quit going to the clinic at 10 mg what was your original dose? Was there a reason you quit at 10?

I'm sorry your experience was so crappy. Are you doing okay today? I know how you feel, about wanting to get off methadone. I feel the same way, especially since I can't get take homes and have to go there every day, but I also know that it's either the clinic, or I'm out on the street doing heroin again.

Please post again, I can tell by your writing that you are really passionate about this subject.

hey Suzi, let me see if I can answer all your questions. I went to a clinic daily and my counselor told me that I just wasn't the "type" to be on methadone from now on. She was the one that suggested that I go to treatment to detox. The treatment center took me down fast due to insurance probably. Really I think that is just how they operated. Looking back, the quicker the better. I tried to blind detox at the clinic and when I got down to a certain mg. I would start smoking crack and drinking again. So, I ended up back at 60. When I was on 10mg, my original dose was 30mg. That was the first time I went on methadone. I was young and dumb and I quit at 10 because I didn't have the money to pay for it, yet I ended up shooting heroin again. I tried to stay clean for about a month, but I was sick from methadone withdrawl. I have been clean and sober since 1/02/03. THANK GOD....I am VERY passionate about methadone because for me it was a substitute and I still couldn't stay sober. My conscious just didn't feel like I was sober and I couldn't live with that. I went to treatment the last time for 2 reasons. First of course to get off the meth and second I had an emotional breakdown and I needed to work through some crap. It really got worse after I got out of treatment because I moved in with a guy from treatment (smart move) and got mixed up with some sick people and after 8 months in OK I had a psychotic break and came back to Tx and got sober and back on meds as I am bipolar with psychotic features. I want to encourage you to detox if you feel strong about being totally clean. I will support you all the way. It feels so damn good to not be on anything. I just couldn't imagine life with heroin or without, but I watched a friend start using that never did heroin and when I walked into this house and saw him nodding off, I knew that I was that person and could become that again and I turned and walked away and never stuck another needle in my arm. That was in September 2002. I then got hooked on percodan and that sucked. I detoxed myself off of that and the last thing I did was smoke pot on 1/1/03 and here I am sober and grateful as hell girl. You can do it, we do have a chance to stay sober. Oh another answer to the question how long had I been using heroin before I got on methadone the first time, I think I had been using for 5 yrs or so. However, the total years I used was 16 years. I loved it but it hated me. I also got hep c due to dirty needles. I just went to dr. today. I got it in 1998, but haven't been treated because I haven't been clean and they cannot detect my genotype which they need so they can know how to treat me. I am having tons of blood drawn tomorrow and if they get genotype I will start treatment this summer after this semester. scary but necessary. Anyway, I think that is it. If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to post. Oh one word of advice, when and if you detox, I would suggest to do it blindly, as in they don't tell you how much methadone you are getting, because we are junkies and if they told me where I was at mg wise, I would make myself feel bad because our minds are powerful like that. see ya later.

I hear your story and I cam empathize with your struggle but now I can see why methadone never worked for you because you were grossly underdosed and never properly treated at the clinic as it sounded to me that you were in a substandard clinic and they didn't know what the hell they were doing. And patients who are bi-polar tend to do very well if they are on a high enough dose as the methadone in some patients helps to stabilize both the cravings and the manic depression at the same time and when indicated having the right ancillary drugs will make all the difference. You have a dual diagnosis and it has to be addressed properly otherwise you get the results that you had to endure.

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Wednesday, March 02, 2005 12:30 AM

Subject: Re: ***METHADONE DETOX IS NOT EASY****

Thanks Claude. I didn't have a clue. The highest dose I was on was 65mg. Oh well, I am just grateful to not be on anything, but I totally understand those that are. Heroin is such a powerful drug that calls your name....

I was shooting dope for 4yrs.before i got on methadone in 1978. Was on 100mgs. a day for 12yrs. in NJ. Eventually my health declined and i to face the fact that i had to get off all drugs and drinking too. I detoxed in seven days on my own,going to meetings of AA. Sick as a dog for along time.

Like your experience,it probibly took me almost a year before i started to regain my health,even alittle. It was tough. That was in 1990 and i have been clean and sober ever since.

I have a life today,but,most of all my health. I`ve been lucky. Had the Hep-c.which my didn`t have to get treated for ,like i see so many people go through. I was one of a small percentage of people,that my own system cleared the virus. I`m greatful for that. It takes some time ,but,staying clean and sober was worth it for me.

I didn`t really have much of a choice at the end.

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