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| | From:  liambella (Original Message) | Sent: 4/10/2005 8:31 AM |
I know I might get a lot of flak but, whatever. I got on methadone for all the right reasons: I wanted off heroin and I couldn't do it myself. I could never make it past the first 24-48 hours of being sick without finding some way to use. I started at 40 mg. and increased over time to 165 mg. where I stayed for five years. I just figured I'd be on it for life. I didn't admit to anyone that I also figured that it was a safe way to use once in a while and not have to deal with getting sick. I didn't count on the weight gain, or the grey/green skin tone. I didn't count on my Hep C liver function levels to go through the roof because methadone taxes your liver. And I didn't count on it being way harder to kick than dope. My first glimpse of the hell of trying to get off it was when I was arrested copping dope on one of those infamous "once in a while" runs. I literally thought I was going to die. That was the first time I realized that I was as strung out on methadone as I ever was on heroin. I decided to try to start slowly detoxing but I found out I was pregnant, and they won't detox you while pregnant. So, I had the guilt and self-loathing of watching my daughter kick methadone as a newborn. After that, I put myself on a blind detox at the clinic only to find that after three months I was 5mgs higher than when I started. Needless to say it took me a year of trying to come down and using heroin when I got too methadone sick to hang, to finally get off- by ending up in jail once again. I would'nt wish that kick on my worst enemy. But everyone is different: my husband stopped at 135 mgs cold turkey and has been clean over two years. He had been born addicted to heroin by an addict mother and started using himself at age 12. I figure if he could do it, I could. And I did. It's hard, but it can be done. I never realized how clouded I was while on methadone until I got off it. And, by the way, in my experience, courts don't look at methadone much differently than being on dope. I used to get so full of rage if someone tried to tell me methadone was detrimental. Now, my opinion is that as a 21-day detox it does a good job of breaking the needle use part of the addiction, which is a whole other part of heroin addiction, but maintainance is a fucking joke. Just MY experience and opinion. |
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| | | From: ©Sha | Sent: 4/18/2005 4:15 PM |
| It's important to remember as with all else in life..there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to learning to live with an addictive nature. Whatever works for the individual...keeps them waking up every day and living the healthiest..most productive life they can..deserves respect & understanding. We owe it to growth to understand not all things play out equally in every life..some like steak tatar others like hamburgers and others still are vegans..point is to find what goes down the easiest and with the least amount of resistance...no. Perspective is everything... |
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I just wanted to state my opinion on the methadone. I personally am not a herion addict, but I have been dealing with my little sister problem for about 5 years. She is the type of person who gets addicted to anything she can get her hands on until she found herion and now my family has been through hell and back. The only time I have seen my sister show any signs of becomming herself again is when we got her into the methadone program. The dose you were on is completly insane to me. My sister was doing 15-20 paks a day of herion and she uped her dose to 80mg. Let me tell you she was'nt getting off dope she was replacing it. She continued to up her dose till I stepped in (I was paying for it) and told her I will not support any of her habits she used methadone to get hight not to help her recover. I called her bluff she knew she was trying to abuse the program and so did I. So she slowly dropped her dose back down,actuallty she went down to 60mg. She wasnt all doped up. She became my sister once more. Happy, full of life. She starting looking healthy and started to put her life togather. That didnt last very long. She wasnt just addicted to the drugs she was addicted to the lifestyle. Methadone cannot change that. Only that person can. My sister has been to rehab 12 times. Its a passifier to our family but she was never serious. Until she finds a way to fill the void she has in her soul she can do all the programs she wants but until she is honest with herself and wants to get off dope she never will. I cant do it for her, a program cant do it for her. She has to want it. Methadone can work when you want it to. I was totally against it 2 years ago, I seen it as a loop hole to get high legally and socially acceptable, until I seen my sister come to life. If she would have stuck with it she would be sitting here with me now instead of living in the dope house. Methadone isnt the problem we are. This is all just my opinion, I'm not here to offend anyone, so I hope I havent. liambella I have to say I am so proud of you, I dont know you but I know it takes strong will power and I hope you enjoy being whole again and good luck! Kristina |
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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 18 of 29 in Discussion |
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What I meant by "harm-reduction" is that it reduces the harm that street drugs can cause: commiting crimes to get your drugs, sharing needles etc. But it is still addiction. I am curious about your comfort level in giving people medical advice? I don't know if I would feel comfortable telling someone that their problem was that they were at too low a dose. Maybe the doctor at the clinic was more qualified to make that decision? Just a thought. Having kicked methadone in both jail and over a year period with a slow taper, I found both to be equally excruciating. In fact I might go so far as to say the jail kick was easier, at least in the mental aspect. In jail you know you can't (usually) get anything to make you feel better so you resign yourself to it. In the year I came off slowly it was a 24-hour a day struggle not to use heroin, anything to stop feeling so sick. It didn't matter if I came down 2 mgs. a week or more or less, I still felt like death. I used to dread waking up in the morning, that is if I had been lucky enough to fall asleep. I've been told how "harmless" to my body methadone is, but I question that. How can something so harmless be so painful to come off of? I've been off it for 127 days now and I still feel like shit and am having trouble sleeping. That is just my experience, which is just as valid as anyone's who claims that methadone works for them. I still think it is irresponsible to tell people how much metadone can help you without also stating the negative apects that someone will deal with on it. |
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Kristina, Thank you for your kind words. They are appreciated. Take care. liambella |
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When you go to a doctor and he prescribes a drug for
whatever condition does he tell you about all the pros and cons of that
medication? It's your responsibility to find out what you are taking but not
from another patient or even from the doctor because I have found most doctor;s
prescribing methadone don't know their ass from their arse.
When someone reports that they are on 38mg and
having cravings and w/d it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that he
just might be on too low of a dose.
No one said that methadone is for everyone as there
is no drug known to man that works for everyone and maybe methadone wasn't right
for you I can't determine that by reading e-mails because your problem could
have been that you didn't receive good proper care and just because someone has
a license to open a clinic doesn't mean that they know what they are doing and
that isn't the fault of the drug it's the fault of the system that sets up
these sub-standard store fronts, I wouldn't even call them a medical
clinic.
I know I will never convince you of anything that I
am saying and that is ok but what bothers me is when people read your
mis-information based on your experiences that it may keep them from having an
opportunity to possibly obtain a treatment that could be life saving for them
but in reading negative myths they may choose to stay in their addiction and not
try something that might work for them.
I will be the first to agree that methadone should
not be a first choice modality and it shouldn't be for the naive user but after
all is tried and failed then what shall one do next?
Claude
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, April 18, 2005 7:52
PM
Subject: Re: METHADONE IS SATANIC
METHADONE
IS SATANIC
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| From: liambella |
What I meant by "harm-reduction" is that it reduces
the harm that street drugs can cause: commiting crimes
to get your drugs, sharing needles etc. But it is still
addiction.
I am curious about your comfort level in giving
people medical advice? I don't know if I would feel comfortable
telling someone that their problem was that they were at too low
a dose. Maybe the doctor at the clinic was more qualified to
make that decision? Just a thought.
Having kicked methadone in both jail and over a year
period with a slow taper, I found both to be equally
excruciating. In fact I might go so far as to say the jail kick
was easier, at least in the mental aspect. In jail you know you
can't (usually) get anything to make you feel better so you
resign yourself to it. In the year I came off slowly it was a
24-hour a day struggle not to use heroin, anything to stop
feeling so sick. It didn't matter if I came down 2 mgs. a week
or more or less, I still felt like death. I used to dread waking
up in the morning, that is if I had been lucky enough to fall
asleep.
I've been told how "harmless" to my body methadone
is, but I question that. How can something so harmless be so
painful to come off of? I've been off it for 127 days now and I
still feel like shit and am having trouble sleeping.
That is just my experience, which is just as valid as
anyone's who claims that methadone works for them.
I still think it is irresponsible to tell people how
much metadone can help you without also stating
the negative apects that someone will deal with on
it. | |
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I deleted the previous two long-winded posts since I over-explained my analogy to antidepressants. Let me try a sort version.
Had I been scared off by the negative anicdotal experiences I read online I'd probably be non-functional about now.
Not all doctors are up-to-date on the latest research. Mine had the good sense to know when to send me to someone with more expertise about psychotropic drugs.
Acutioning people about the downside is one thing but trying to scare the s**t out of them is another. |
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What part of my personal experience do you consider misinformation? I lived it and I know it to be true, FOR ME. I never said the things I wrote are true for everyone. I'm not talking about myths, I'm talking about the things that I lived through while on methadone. And, yes I have been told of the side effects of every medication I've been on besides methadone. If not by the doctor, then by the warning label on the bottle or the pharmacist. When I got on (now off) Prozac my doctor made the possible side effects very clear. What was not right for me may be 100% right for someone else. I just try to put one of the sides out there so people can get all degrees of the issue. Whatever keeps you alive!!!!! |
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I have to AGREE 100% that FOR-Profit Meth clinics are JUST as bad as the damn Drug Dealers. |
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| From one junky to another, friend, meth is dope. All junkys know that once we are wired, using has very, very little to do with getting high. It is about getting straight. Methadone is free government dope. period. It is about harrn-reduction and crime control. It has NOTHING to do with being clean or anything like it. The only difference is that you get your dope from the government for free everyday. But kudos to you for kicking!!!!! Makes kicking H look like a cake-ealk, eh? I was on for 3 years and did my last drink aug 1st, NEVER AGAIN! If I ever get wired again, I will take y lumps the old fashioned way. Peace. |
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Where do you live? You say Methadone is free dope that the goverment gives out? what a fucking joke. There is nothing free about methadone. Maybe if you are on welfare you get it free. I don't get anything free. I pay 400.00 a month for my methadone. What gets me is that people piss and moan and whoa is me  What do people fucking expect? methadone is a free for all just to contuinue to keep fixing dope once in awhile or otherwise? Have you tried doing anything physical like working, or excersising to keep you from gaining weight? Of course one will gain weight on methadone if you dont have physical activity. There is NO way of using safely period..... You are only lying to yourself if you think otherwise. I would not suggest methadone to someone who is not completely fed up with fixing dope. It will not work. You'll end up with a double habit and then you will be fucked worse than anything you can imagine. Methadone has it's good points and bad points. On methadone you can maintain a"normal" Life. Even if heroin were legal it would be hard maintaining a productive life.While reading your post I noticed all the negative output on methadone. But I also noticed all the negativity came from copping dope on one of those infamous "once in a while" runs. You put yourself in that situation what do you expect? If Dope addicts are not serious about cleaning up then methadone definately is not the way to go. The reason why the court system and the officers of the law look at methadone the same way as using dope is because they are uneducated on the subject. Most of the people they are dealing with are still using while on methadone so that also makes methadone look bad. people will go to court in a big time nod stating they are on methadone, but they fail to tell the judge that before they went to court they just fixed a 1/2 gram of dope and that is the real reason why they are nodding. So Naturally the judge and court marshall and everyone else in the Goddamned courthouse is going to think that people on methadone are scumbags, that us dopefiends found a way to stay high legally. Someone needs to go in there and educate these people and set them straight. Methadone has helped alot of people and continues to help people. B4A  |
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I've been on and off methadone for 7 years. I've been kicked off the program 4 times and all 4 times I went back to heroin immediately so that I didn't have to suffer withdrawal symptoms. This time around I've been on since February 2006. I've had my first and only child on methadone and his detox wasn't bad at all. He wasn't uncomfortable. He was given morphine to taper off with and was totally fine. We have wonderfully progressive doctors here in Seattle. You don't get kicked off methadone while in jail either. They used to only dose you for 21 days, detoxing you the whole time. No more of that. You get your dose the whole time seven days a week no problem. This is the first time I've been totally clean off all drugs while on the program. I used to always use uppers like cocaine when I was on methadone in the past. For the past year I've been involved in a lot of outside counseling and support groups, not only for addiction but for general counseling and support for other problem area's of my life like codependency and domestic violence. I've really applied myself and taken a active role in my recovery. No benzo's, no heroin, no speed, no coke, no pot, nothing the last year and I've never felt better. I'm on 150mgs so I can't feel heroin anyway and it's been so long since I got high I don't even remember what it's like to be honest. I got well for a long time but never high I was so strung out that getting well was a $100 a day deal. There are side effects with many medication but you deal with them. For the weigh gain I stay active, it's a no brainer really. I joined the YMCA so that takes care of that. They have a pool, free weights, weight machines, cardio stuff like treadmills. They also have lots of classes too. It's great for me and infant son because they have programs for him too. For constipation I take Miralax daily. It works no problem there. For the sweats I try to keep cool and drink a lot of water so I stay hydrated. For sleep problems I try to stay active during the day so I'm tired at night, I have no problem there because chasing around a crawling baby keeps me busy. When I'm not on methadone I'm living a horrid existence of prostitution and nasty strung out drug addiction. I'm miserable and I hate myself. When I'm on methadone I feel good and I have a life. So what do I chose? Life of course so I chose methadone. I don't have to travel to the clinic daily because I get takehome's since I'm clean. I don't worry about jail problem because I don't engage in illegal activity and should I ever go to jail for some trival like forgetting to pay a ticket I would get dosed no problem. So for now my plan is to stay on methadone and finish school. I want to get an education and that's only possiable if I stay on methadone. Maybe after I'm done with school I'll consider trying to taper off just to see what it's like to taper off the right way instead of being kicked off but I really don't have a problem staying on methadone for life. By January of 2008 I'll only have to go to the clinic once a month for pick up. I'll get pills and I won't dose in the dosing line. I'll have to make an appointment with the doctor and get my pills filled at that appointed time. That's the rules here in Seattle if you get once a month takehome's at ETS which is where I dose. I don't rely on the clinic for rehabilitation, it's really not their job. I sought out counseling on my own for general problems that include addiction amoung other things. I also sought a counselor for DV issues. I sought support groups on my own, not NA or AA either. I do attend those too sometimes. Recovery is what you make it, either your done with dope or your not. It's that simple. I hope I'm done forever because it's a dead end life literally. The drugs here are so crappy and I hate the lifestyle that goes with being a junkie. Some recover and some don't, sad but true.
Thunderkiss |
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