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| | From:  AwnMinees (Original Message) | Sent: 11/25/2008 8:36 AM |
Hey,
I work with a girl in her 20's and the way she talks, you'd think she was in her 80's. She's always talking about all these health issues and for so long, I listened and tried to be comforting and upbeat. I soon learned she did have some issues but nothing nearly as serious as she was making them out to be. (She made a pimple sound like a terminal tumor).
She's getting worse and corner's me every chance she get's with her latest "ailment". I've seen her stay after her shift and have a few shots and before you know it, she's trying to dance on the tables or the bar. Now I'm beginning to believe she's a hypocondriac that's taken a few physical problems and blown them up to the point that people think she has cancer and will drop dead any day.
I've tried ignoring her, steering clear etc. but she always blows my breaks out of the water with her b.s. I'm a very compassionate guy and I feel for her but she's getting so out-of-control and beyond irritating. I feel used for buying her b.s. for so long and now recognize it for the attention getter she was going for. Its really a sad situation.
Do I tell her I know for a fact that she's full of shit, a total downer and that I don't want to hear this crap anymore? (Gentle hints that the work place is not where you air such personal problems have never worked).She's pretty stubborn, I've seen other co-worker's try and escape her tirades and pity parties Some of the gal's have even told her very nicely that she needs to talk to a professional but she has an excuse for every reason why she can't.
Am I being a huge asshole or what?
Jackl |
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| Not an asshole at all. Obviously she has issues but no one does her a favor by playing into them. Since some of your coworkers have offered her advice about seeing a professional and she's blown it off, maybe if she can no longer find people to listen it'll wake her up. Meanwhile, if it were me I'd tell her that I had plenty going on my life and I need to be around positive, not negative, people. |
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Hey Wild,
Thanks for the advice, it was really helpful. I just really needed to vent but your reply and suggestions sound like a good direction to go in.
Its just such a frustrating situation and not knowing how to handle it. I don't want to add to her problems. Its just gotten to the point where enough is enough. It makes the work really tension filled;
Gonna try your advice and hopefully it will open her eyes in a non-judgmental way. Appreciate it.
God Bless, Jack |
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Hi Jack, I think Donna has great advice for you. How you doing Donna?? long time no see. Jack, from reading about what you posted it sounds like this girl is looking for attention and talking about her health issues is her way of looking for validation. Can you just avoid her? Her health problems could be caused from her emotional crap also.. Telling her she needs to see a professional sounds like good advice to me.. Tell her you know nothing about her health problems and you wish you could help her but it seems out of your league and she might want to look for someone more qualified to talk to, and then walk away. Dont be rude, just be matter of fact with her. Love Karen  |
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Hi Karen,
More great advice. Thanks - you both gave me some really comfortable ways of being somewhat compassionate w/o inviting more of her problems.
You women have such a more tactical way of approaching stuff. It helps a guy who's clueless a ton! lol
God Bless, Jack |
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Hey Jack, she sounds like my mum! After years of here telling me she has just months to live (which was never true by the way) i had to act. The way i now stop her health crisis talks is too say "oh yeah me too, i got this pain here or there and i got a headache" Anything really, she usually doe'snt want to listen to my problems and changes the topic pretty quickly! It may sound a bit unsympathetic but after a while of hearing people go on and on about things that really aren't that bad, it gets well annoying to say the least. Try the kinder approch first of course, but if nothing else works throw back what they are throwing at you. Most people who are like that hate having to listen to anyone else's problems, she might even realise how she is sounding to others. i'm sorry if that sounded blunt or if i offended anyone, just my take on the situation. Good luck  Anna |
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Hey Anna,
You didn't offend me at all or anyone else I doubt. We all have character's like that in our life I think. You're suggestion was right on the money because everyone was getting sick of it to and they all started doing exactly what you suggested. It was done in an off-hand, non-harsh way and it seems to be working.
I do feel for her but how many times you can take hearing that kind of downer shit every day? I like my job and for the most part, its pretty interesting and fun. I'm an observer/people watcher and I've learned a lot about human nature in doing that. I genuinely enjoy people's company but for the most part, I have such bad trust issues that its just more comfortable for me to observe. Does that make sense?
My therapist thinks its my way of learning social skills as I have a real hard time with long-term relationships due to being on my own at a pretty young age. I've learned a lot doing it, even when it wasn't a conscious decision.
Glad to see you posting and getting more comfortable as I am becoming. How's the journaling going? Hope its helping even though I know its really hard. But as I see it, its a necessary stumbling block that I need to break through and deal with before I feel I have a shot at the life I really want. Wife, kids, I would love that. Just to be needed would feel so great. But for now, I just keep people at a comfortable distance.
God Bless, Jack |
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Hey Jack, I get what you mean about trust, when it has been broken too many times it becomes more difficult to see who and what people really are, what they are really after and if there intentions are true or not. My biggest issue has been more with not being able to trust myself in my judgements, i have been in so many destructive relationships in the past only to do the same thing over and over again. My childhood was'nt great but nothing like what some people here have experienced so i can only imagine how hard it must be to trust anyone if you can't even trust your parents. But you are making the right steps by posting, even that requires a little trust. Even for me my first post here was a big thing, it took over a year! Sometimes i guess you gotta jump in the deep end and let people in even if it is terrifying. Life is always better with someone there to share it with. You are doing everything you can to help yourself to get to that point. And i think this place is a great place to start, for me it has been a godsend. I was getting to the point of explosion i think! The journaling has been like you said a great way to work through things, although i often cringe when i reread things. But i think i have to do that, try and accept it and file it away (easier said than done) Anyway i can't thankyou enough for all your replys and suggestions, i hope mine have been of some use to you as well:-) lots of love Anna |
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Hey Anna,
Yes, your replies and suggestions have helped me out a lot. Its good to try and see things from another persons view point. Especially someone swimming up-stream with only one paddle and feeling like you're just not getting anywhere. It took me awhile to take that leap of faith and become a member here and though I've only been here a fairly short time, I've learned a lot about myself and most importantly, that I'm not alone in my addiction.
I wouldn't wish this life style on anyone but to have a place where people are in the same unfortunate place I am is comforting. At least I have a community/family here that knows this rough road we all travel.
As you put so well, trust is a real hard issue. Personally for me, its huge. I first posted just a general kind of "Hi I'm new" and was amazed at how quickly people here responded - with such compassion. It meant a lot to me and seemed far too good to be true.
Then I has a situation at work that really did a number on my head and I was high as a kite and posted about it. The next day I read it and was sick to my stomach. I couldn't believe I talked about my past and felt I had revealed more than I was comfortable with. (The thread was called Bad day I think). You can go back and read it and then you'll get why trust is a rough thing for me.
And its not just that, its the fact that I've been screwed over so many times when I did trust someone, when I reached out and got kicked in the ass.
Anna I get the cringing over writing your journal and reading it. It can be mortifying but my therapist is the one who helped me add this to my road to recovery. Its almost like when you're really sick and have to throw up but you hate throwing up..... But once you do, whatever it was is out of your system? I think writing and reading your journal, hard as it is, is a way of doing just that - getting all that shit and baggage out but in a private/safe feeling way.
Its not for anyone else to read. Its for you and a good tool to get things out on the table. I try not to live in the past but I've found you do have to acknowledge it in order to move forward - or so my therapist says... So I'm plugging along and I too feel this site is a God send. I'm so glad you did join and are posting, I think its helping you a lot, just in the short time you've been here. I'm glad I found this place and I'm glad you did too.
God Bless, Jack |
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