i took to heroin
i say because the pain of a broken pancreas was too great
that was true for a bit
but truly
the heroin gave me silence
from you and your lovehate of me
from me
for the same reason
as much as i tried for moments of silence from your control
i was not strongenough to take control
the peace of the high
hearing you in the distance
through the fog
i did not care
you could tell me you love me with your lies
and i could just
not care

then the drugs stopped taking the pain
they gave pain
aches and hates
and i looked at meyself
at how far i would sink to not hear you
to not hear how everyone finds me wrong
and i saw me
for a glimpse
i saw
me
and i saw me mouth telling you to fuck off
and i smiled
and decided
i don't need you
or drugs
or pain

well the pain did not listen
and neither did you
but here i am
hearing you
but listening to meyself
goodbye