Heritics of Heroin

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I've ODed on Death & Death related news--

Weeks & weeks of watching those Schiavo images over & over again--Followed by a near 2 week Death vigil as she starves to death & every agonizing moment is captured for us 24/7 by the Media--& NOW, we had to watch the Pope drag out his death & this will be followed by NINE days of mourning brought to you by your friendly News station..The obnoxious oppulence of the Vatican is the height of hypocrisey!

But Death in general, whether its our fascination with TV shows like Law & Order, or the biographies of Serial Killers, or the hundreds of other violent & murderous stories & movies that frighten yet fascinate us...

Now I realise its quite a leap from the Pope or Schiavo's death to The Exorcist or Charlie Manson, but Death is the common thread & apparently we need to see & hear about alot of it...

PS--Junkies have a very unusual relationship with Death---We never feel that far from Death when we're using, but it doesn't scare us (till we get straight)..During my 1st 15 years of using junk, many of my friends died of ODs--but it all didn't seem real at the time--I still have a hard time believing that those deaths were real--they seemed unnatural & therefore unreal..

Ex, I don't think you are a sick puppy about death, I think you just have alot more faith then alot of people.

When I hear you tell me that Gino is at peace and joy I almost try to believe you.

I want that also, but then there is that part of not knowing.

When you speak of Lee, and the children you had with him you speak of such peace and that is a wonderful place to be in life.

I cant imagine seeing what you have seen thru your eyes and being as spiritual as you have been.

Much respect and Love to you, Karen

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2005 3:03 PM

Subject: Re: Society's "Death Obsession"

You guys know in the newspaper business

If It Bleeds It Leads!!!

I think it has to do with the fear of death.

I have also seen many folks OD and die

One from a shot of battery acid......

may I just say it was one of the most hurrendous things

I have seen in my life.

ok no details.just was very very..

See, I have grown almost numb to death I think

Have washed off bodies before loved ones could see them.

Seen bruised and battered bodies.dead children

( those are the ones that u go home and revisit in your dreams)

I think Indigo is right, I have seriously come to an understanding of death

it is oing to happen to everyone.

and wouldn't life be boring if no death existed??

I'm a sick & twisted puppy on this subject,

so I better just shut the hell up!!

Karen,

I wish I could explain my faith. It is real and been with me since

( ok this is going to sound like I'm mad But I Swear it's true)

I was 11 and was at a sunrise Easter service,

I was in the choir and we had traveled to a little church

that sat high on this mountain.......

We stood there and sang as the sun rose

Then the choir went inside as it was a bit chilly

but I just stood there alone looking at the magnificence of it all.

I turned to go inside and the clouds spoke to me..

( I Swear on everything I hold dear)

A voice inside my head told me

what kind of life I was going to have

That they would be there for me ,when my time would come.

The experience has never ever left me either.......

and the voice has come into my head , three times through the years

Everytime when I was in a life & death situation too!!

It has told me what to do.

I KNOW .

IN MY SOUL.

That we are here for some spectacular reasons

and our job is learn along the way Life's Lessons.

I wish I knew how to share this..But I haven't a clue!!!!

( I also can't spell

)

Yes we are suppose to put our trust in God if we believe and have faith but God has nothing to do with the Catholic church taking their stance on birth control this is a decision made by men.And in trusting God He has also given us free will and and a brain as you stated to make decisions.

You can have faith in God but He expects man(this includes both genders) to use his God given brain and make sensible choices as you have stated having faith does not exclude your responsibility in making sure you don't walk in front of a truck because you choose to walk with your eyes closed. You can pray and ask for your needs but you still have to do your share in obtaining your needs.

Also remember any form of bc is not acceptable in the Catholic church and that includes,condoms,withdrawal method, any form of spilling the semen outside of the vaginal canal I believe the only acceptable form would be the rhythm method and we all know that some folks have no rhythm,lol.

----- Original Message -----

From: Suziblues2

Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2005 6:34 PM

Subject: Re: Society's "Death Obsession"

I'm sad about the Pope too, I'm not Catholic, but still he was a good guy that helped a lot of people BUT the thing I do not understand about catholics is the way they are towards birth control. Somebody on tv said we are suppose to "trust God" when it comes to birth control but GIVE ME A BREAK!! These poor women who have 19 kids because the Pope said no birth control just is stupid to me.

If we are suppose to trust God, then why not trust Him on everything ? For example, why look both ways before I cross a busy street? why wear a seat belt? Just trust God. I think God made some people with extra ordinaryily smart brains to invent stuff like birth control so we could use them.

But the pope and the catholic church are not all bad. They give far more in terms of helping poor than any other religous organization.

okay, thanx for letting me ramble on!

I relate to what you are saying as you believe and have faith but it is hard to put it in words to articulate it to someone else. I remember as a young child that I use to get visions and some of those I could not make the distinction as to whether I was sleep or awake but they were like little angels sending me warnings.

I am constantly trying to learn more and broaden my understanding so I feel exactly what you are saying.

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2005 12:10 PM

Subject: Re: Society's "Death Obsession"

I wish I could explain my faith. It is real and been with me since

( ok this is going to sound like I'm mad But I Swear it's true)

I was 11 and was at a sunrise Easter service,

I was in the choir and we had traveled to a little church

that sat high on this mountain.......

We stood there and sang as the sun rose

Then the choir went inside as it was a bit chilly

but I just stood there alone looking at the magnificence of it all.

I turned to go inside and the clouds spoke to me..

( I Swear on everything I hold dear)

A voice inside my head told me what kind of life I was going to have

That they would be there for me ,when my time would come.

The experience has never ever left me either.......

and the voice has come into my head , three times through the years

Everytime when I was in a life & death situation too!!

It has told me what to do.

That we are here for some spectacular reasons

and our job is learn along the way Life's Lessons.

I wish I could give this to others, this knowing......I just don't know how!!

It has been a year since I was in a church though

Too much politics for me!!

I know in a spiritual way........

Doea that make sense!!

Claude, Thanks for the laugh about the rythmn, It made me laugh outloud. Love Karen

Ex, I have no doubt in my mind that a voice came to you like that. You somehow were blessed with that knowledge and you share it so freely with all of us. Thankyou so much, I love you for that.

Can I ask you a personal question??

Why do you think you chose to do drugs if God touched you like that at that age?

I dont think it was a coincidence that it happened to you at 11 years old, a huge turning point in a girls life.

Have you ever asked yourself these questions??

I hope I am not getting too personal, I just love your view, Love Karen

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2005 11:12 AM

Subject: Re: Society's "Death Obsession"

Karen,

I wish I could explain my faith. It is real and been with me since

( ok this is going to sound like I'm mad But I Swear it's true)

I was 11 and was at a sunrise Easter service,

I was in the choir and we had traveled to a little church

that sat high on this mountain.......

We stood there and sang as the sun rose

Then the choir went inside as it was a bit chilly

but I just stood there alone looking at the magnificence of it all.

I turned to go inside and the clouds spoke to me..

( I Swear on everything I hold dear)

A voice inside my head told me

what kind of life I was going to have

That they would be there for me ,when my time would come.

The experience has never ever left me either.......

and the voice has come into my head , three times through the years

Everytime when I was in a life & death situation too!!

It has told me what to do.

I KNOW .

IN MY SOUL.

That we are here for some spectacular reasons

and our job is learn along the way Life's Lessons.

I wish I knew how to share this..But I haven't a clue!!!!

( I also can't spell)

I don' t think I was specially touched. I think all of us have those voices

It's just hard in life to hear them.

That morning was just absolute silence,

as were the times when it spoke to me again.

Have u ever been in a serious life & death situation??

Everything goes silent, time even seems suspended..

That morning on that mountain, the voice said

a few things , but two of them were

that I would have a very difficult life

It also told me I would live a long time.

When I was in the middle of my addiciton run mode

.I NEVER thought I woul live past thirty

yet here I sit writing this post and breathing

Quiet your mind, Karen, turn it off all the way

to that bird thats chirping in the distance, to the wind

to the chaos of the city sounds, to the washing machine

they are ALL for a reason.

Can u tell I get a thrill outta weird stuff?????

Why did u take down your post??

It was wonderful, stocked full of wonderful

Thats not wierd stuff..thats spiritual stuff and it's beautiful! I never realized how hard it really is to quiet my mind completely and try to listen to God. Sometimes I cant do it.

As a matter of fact it only happened a couple times. Once about a month after my son died I was trying all this stuff to try and connect with him. I mean really wierd stuff like staring into mirrors and talking to psychics etc. Well, one time I did what you were saying, I just sat there and let my mind go and accepted whatever it was I was thinking about and a voice said Jesse (my son) was someplace learning.

For some reason this thought, or voice, made me all calm and not so crazy about his death.

So, weather this was Gods voice, or my own, or whatever, I'm glad I heard it.

Ex...I hit delete and had to run out..still have it and will repost..just thought it was scattered is all, (appreciate the words amigo).

"Have u ever been in a serious life & death situation??

Everything goes silent, time even seems suspended.."

End quote.

Isn't that one of the most amazing protective feelings in the world (in hindsight of course), cause at the time the situation is usally a tense one..or maybe it's more of an other worldly thing going on and we kick into survival mode. Whatever it is I wouldn't be alive today without it. Am sure it has something to do with protection.

And you are so right about 'finding quiet' it is 100% the way to get in touch with not only your greater self but loved ones too. Nothing hocus-pocus about it. Meditation is an age old art..a way of reaching out and communing with God or whomever. It is a form of prayer really.

I am going to tell a war story here.

I used to work for the guys that brought shit outta Columbia,

(Think I told u guys that before).

I had to pick up the bankroll one afternoon

on the Lower east side of New York city!

was on 3rd street between Ave A and B

I didn't know it at the time but the guy who gave me the roll ,

had a plan to have me ripped off, and So a guy who always counts money,

My Mind goes RED LIGHT!!!

so, I hit the stoop walking really fast

and I look both ways down the block

and see four guys, and may I say they were strapped

comin up fast on me.

I see that Frankie is at his window above and has signaled them

So, there is NO DOUBT

in my mind whats on the agenda.

All of a sudden time seemed to stop, the sidewalk got all hazy

like a tunnel looking thing.and that voice told me to

I ran into the street as these guys did not see that I had scoped their game

I made it to the corner

and guess what was sitting there

A Police Car, with two cops inside

Empty Cab right in front of it.

I jumped in that cab as the guys slowed there pace

to a slow walk and they walked right past my cab ,

looking in the window, making some very ugly faces.

Needless to say, Frankie...........well........

I didn't see him anymore!!

Love That Voice!!!!!!!!!

Was watchin out for me, even when I was soooooooo wrong!!!!!!

Schpelling..lol Ex..I too am a 'bad spelling' deleter..one of my goals this year is to stop caring so much about a few misplaced letters...it's a tough one and I may have to seek out 'SA' for help.

"...each of us is here to discover our true Self... that essentially we are spiritual beings that have taken manifestation in physical form. We’re not human beings that have occasional spiritual experiences ~ it’s the other way around: we’re spiritual beings that have occasional human experiences." ~Deepak Chopra ~

My experience was similar in nature to Ex's..also when young and way before I began using drugs. It remains as fresh as the day I felt it and then came to know it. Simply put..there is far more to the soul's essence/existence & its journey than meets our human eye. People who have put their faith into a more traditional mode of thought and worship, ie church. etc..may find this way of speaking..relating & believing hocus-pocus mystical crap. The Bible is full of such experiences only in those days they were called prophets and visions or dreams from God. The Bible itself has more recorded instances of visions than there are incidences of dreams.

A few examples:

The transporting of Elijah: 2 Kings 2:11

Moses and the burning bush: Exodus 3:2

The glory of God: Ezekiel 1:3, 12-14, 23

1:4 And I looked, and, behold, a whirlwind came out of the north, a great cloud, and a fire infolding itself, and a brightness was about it, and out of the midst thereof as the colour of amber, out of the midst of the fire.

Continued here if anyone cares to read:

http://www.colonialview.com/KJV/Eze001.htm#003 <http://www.colonialview.com/KJV/Eze001.htm>

The Bible has 42 accepted prophets (there may be others as well depending on interpretation):

http://www.ears-2-hear.com/prophetic-bible.htm

Why some people think it's weird to talk or believe that way when they accept the teachings of the Bible I have no idea..the 'concept' is one and the same. Spiritual belief is an intensely personal journey and there is no right or wrong way to view it.

Losing a loved one to what is perceived as a sensless death is hard no doubt..anger is a part of the mourning process. I think we get hung up on the cause of death..how many times have you heard when a person dies at an old age "Well they lived a good long and productive life..we all can't live forever?" Yes they did and yes we can..so why is it any different when someone is taken in a less ideal manner? Isn't that on us (who are still living out our destiny)..the anger confusion and holding on to what we didn't have any control over in the first place? Do we really have the right to what in essence comes down to condemming anothers soul because we think they didn't live or die according to what we think is the correct way?

Wild said:

"That's a difficult attitude to cope with for us friends/family who are very scared. Kinda feel like shaking the person and saying "maybe you don't care about dying, but what about ME, what about your MOM?" I realize that doing so would serve no purpose but sometimes it's hard not to lash out.""

End quote.

Speaking for myself here..It's not that I don't care about dieing..not at all..it's more about how I've chosen to accept it if I do. True..the nature of addiction lends itself often times to an untimely death (so we think)..but so does getting into a vehicle every day..walking out of our front doors..and on and on. And I'm not being flippant here..it's true..death is death..it is what it is. When it's over it's over..we have to kind of respect or at least accept that whoever passed on has completed what they were here for or to learn...(this time around anyway). Now I realise the reincarnation concept is not a popular one with many people..but even if it doesn't happen..the reasoning is still the same.

Intent is something to consider...if it's not someone's intent to die when doing drugs then why is it handled so differently than all other modes of death. Actually I should say even if it is their intent..ultimately it is their choice is it not..their journey..and as difficult as that may be to respect..by virtue of the fact that we love them..then we must. We somehow have to (and here is the hard part)..either cope or hand it over to something higher than ourselves until we can. If not I fear we are not only stunting our own growth and souls but maybe holding back someone else's as well.

How can I be holding back anothers soul..well think about it. If we are all connected and I believe we are..and if we pay in some way for intentionally harming others (I think this is on a "what you've given in pain you will experience in pain," karmic law basis..only makes sense). Then until we forgive or understand..isn't that soul in some way held back from "floating around in total peace?" Again 'intent' plays an important role in whether or not they are held back..whether the karmic laws come into place. Many times the anger we're feeling is on us..because yet again we do not have the whole picture..we are not them.

Now I'm not saying it isn't painful to lose a loved one to drugs..I know it is..it seems such a waste (to us)...but maybe we need to ask ourselves what we are really angry about. As anger often times translates to fear then we have to ask the question "What are we afraid of" too. Yes of course we have to mourn..go through the steps..take whatever time we need to do so.. but if we are hanging on for too long (then we have to figure out what 'too long' is)..how healthy is it for our souls?

Sue said:

"If we are supposed to trust God, then why not trust Him on everything ? For example, why look both ways before I cross a busy street? why wear a seat belt? Just trust God. I think God made some people with extra ordinaryily smart brains to invent stuff like birth control so we could use them."

Exactly Sue..the saying "God helps those who help themselves," must have come from that way of thinking..and we can be average to accomplish that as well. Metaphorically..once we ate of the 'tree of knowledge' we forever forfeited the easy 'take care all our needs' promise from God and ended our lives in Eden for all time. Had to start thinking for ourselves then and I'm not so sure this wasn't the devine design anyway....after all God created man in His own image (physical and/or spiritual)..and 'likeness.' The Bible shows (1 John 3:2)..that God created man with a mind capable of communicating with God and thinking like He thinks. If man was created to be a friend/child to God the Father (divine force), then didn't he/we in order to choose good..at some point have to know bad. What better way to introduce and teach the concept of faith/choice to the masses then to tell of its beginnings and how we lost it..like in the book of Genesis.

It may seem strange to mix the idea of reincarnation and traditional relgion..but imho I think the truth (relevent) lies somewhere within all of these beliefs. Then you have those who believe we exist for one lifetime are inconsequential and once we die we feed the earth.

I don't think it's that simple at all..I can't..not after some of the expereinces I've had..like Ex's and others here. I aslo don't believe my brain somehow created these experiences because some chemical/s kicked in to protect me from what was happening at the time. But that's just me.

Point is no matter what you believe..we're all going to and coming from the same place..(imho). It's probably very Eden like in nature too...except for..in this Eden..we will 'know' and understand the difference between right and wrong. Why..because that is evolving..and that is the point.

As Marco once said.."If anyones still reading this (lol that cracked me up Marco..(my thoughts exactly when I write a long winded and drawn out post)..and who can blame anyone for not finishing some of them. That's enough of my waxing prophetic for the moment..all of the above is how I cope and am only offering food for thought here..not trying to change (as if I could anyway). anyone's belief system.

Sha

Quote for EX:

"Love That Voice!!!!!!!!! Was watchin out for me, even when I was soooooooo wrong!!!!!!"

End quote

Great war story Ex (lol..insane the stuff we've done huh).

Those guys were obviously infected with a tad too much 'gangsteritis greed' ...they didn't stand a chance.

An excellent example too of the whole 'right and wrong' thing..even though you and most in scoeity would perceive what you were doing at the time as 'wrong'..maybe we are fogetting the bigger picture when we do that. Who's to say you're part in the whole operation wasn't absolutely necessary in order for something bigger and more important to be carried out? There's always that possibility.

Amazing stuff..I think it's often the case that we forget in busy our day to day lives just how many forces are at work protecting us..instinct (ours), and guardian's will pull us through every time..if it's what's supposed to happen.

I..like you am a witness..am convinced of it.

And these guradians if you will..can be another human being. You know our minds are filled with the memories of all time..our ancestors and our own..a cummulative type effect. That's why meditation is such a great avenue into those places...forgotten memories or other realms if you will. Nothing to be afraid of either..unfamilar at the moment perhaps..but again..instinct will guide you. Alot of people say how hard it is for them to 'get quiet/still' myself included sometimes..many times as a matter of fact. There's so much bombarding and information overload in our daily lives..news..people..worries..all that stuff (of which by the way it's said 98% is bullshit...inconsequential & useless).

If I had to describe to somene how they will know if they are on their way to meditating..I'd say remember when you were a kid..you know how a teacher or parent would say "Quit daydreaming?" That's sort of like how it starts..you can be staring off into space and everything around you is kind of blocked out..it's there but not there if you know what I mean. That's it..that's how it starts..just keep going from there. Eyes can be closed or not closed..they'll end up closed though...unless it's a very brief experience and something happens to disturb you.

Anyway it's definitely worth the effort..practice and feedback..eventually it will happen very quickly. There are some yogi's who stay in an almost constant state of meditation...the equivalent to being awake only 7-10 hours a day. They need only one bowl of rice and some water to survive because their bodies are not requiring the same sustenance it would if they were on the go all the time. Their heart rates are cut in half..breathing..everything..all documented as well.

Happy meditating all.

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