Hey yall, flapj again. Last Thursday I had a doctors appt., my third in the past hree months. Since I've no insurance of any kind I am going to a free clinic. My reasons for doing this is to begin to build up a medical history, since I don't have one. Hopefully, I will qualify for medical assistance in the matter of health insurance which I've already applied for and was denied because I make too much money, but I am going to contest that ruling and turn in a denial form, which basically is trying to ram the request through anyway. I think I'm gonna have to ask my boss to lower my pay rate to nine dollars an hour so the stubs say that instead of sixteen for a few months so I can qualify. It'd only be for a few months and once I get the assistance I'll keep it for a year or two and go get everything I need and want done taken care of then drop the card and assistance. It is insane that I must commit fraud to obtain the financial help that I need. I just turned forty and I need to start thinking of my health in the long term even though as of right now I feel fine. You know what I discovered recently, the detainees in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay have better coverage than 'John Doe' citizen. Alledged terrorists have better assistance than the some fifty million US citizens without any coverage at all. WTF? We're all paying for these assholes welfare while going without ourselves. What is it? They want to keep the 'enemy combatants' healthy so they can keep on interogating and torturing them? It doesn't make sense to me. Back to the point of seeing the doctor. She is a petite Indian woman. She told me people who think too much make problems for themselves and to forget about all the stuff running through my head because I cannot change anything, I can only change my behavior. I am aware of that fact, but the idea that nothing is going to change rankles. I thought these are odd words to come out of a doctors mouth, especially one whose cultural heritage and ancestors come from India. Am I being a racist here for applying stereotypes? She wants me to get on anti-depressants. She said everybody is on them, so I said well what does that tell you about our society and civilization: no one is happy, people know that something is indeed very wrong and are lied to that 'all is well' or nothing can be done about 'the way things are'. I also said that it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick society, I'd rather stay un-adjusted. Well, I am going to try the anti-deppresants for six months. Maybe I will feel better, but there is a reason for my depression and anxiety and taking the "proper medication" is really only addressing the symptoms of a much deeper and convoluted problem, just like my getting xanax, valium, heroin, off the street: so I ask you, what is the difference ultimately. There is none. On the one hand I am attempting to seek aid and advice from the state and a doctor, trying to go through the proper channels; and the other hand is me thinking(or not thinking) for myself and self medicating to achieve the same result- to feel OK, so I can get up everyday and unwillingly participate in this farce of a civilization we have going on over here because there is no other choice, and more importantly, to enjoy and utilize my artistic talents and capabilities more often. So, I don't know what to do about all this health insurance bullshit, it just makes me ill and aggravated, and it's a step in the direction of being more identifiable on the grid, but I'd rather not do anything which makes me anymore visible to the beast than necessary. Babbling over. My tooth hurts. Dentist this Tuesday, crunch, drill, rip, sew, script, thanks, later, and on to the next tooth in like manner. Good morning my fellow Heretics, hope all is going as smooth as it can be for all yall up in here, enjoy the rest of the weekend folks, much love to you all, flapjack |
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