Sharon, Claude and Suzi are right, your extremely strong to be at this site and try to reach out to someone else.
Thats incredible, You are a very loving person.
There is One thing that I have learned about suicide that alot of people dont know.
Usually the person who is contemplating taking there lives seem to be happier or stronger before they complete the act.
I think that there gained strength gives them the courage to go thru with it.
I think when the depression is too deep the person doesnt feel strong enough to take there life.
Does that make any sense???
Have a peacefilled night, Love Karen