>Subject: OUCH
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>We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top
>this one:
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>Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my
>excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one
>recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth
>was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a
>head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By
>then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the
>top of my head.  The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my
>wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition
>was no problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast
>when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The
>garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."  "You know where the
>button is," I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset
>it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and
>sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only
>take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that
>my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
>behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck
>my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember
>performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
>circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
>gnashing metal teeth.  It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
>dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised
>around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the
>precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I
>unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claw. I lost all
>rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a
>violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my
>masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
>syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know
>this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink
>and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me
>out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there
>are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the
>kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that"
>paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the
>paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work,
>all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not
>succeeding.  Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally
>made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an
>explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was
>too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's the matter?" They all
>asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew!