Snappy answer #1

 

   A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

  As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened  his trench coat and flashed her.

    Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not  your  stub."

 

                                                  Snappy Answer #2 

 

   A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but  couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do  these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No, ma'am,  they're dead."

                                                Snappy Answer #3

 

    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding  rolled  down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.  The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

 When the cop finally stopped laughing, ! he sent the kid on his way  without  a ticket.

 

                                                Snappy Answer #4

 

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that  reads  "Low bridge ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him  and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a  police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the  truck driver, puts his hands on his hips, and says, "Got stuck, huh?"

    The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

 

 And finally #5

 

                                 THE TEACHER - SNAPPY ANSWER OF THE YEAR

 

   A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now  class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

   A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

    The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."