Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,

 But never actually come close to reality?

 Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

 You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card --  Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 

 1. When you are sad --  I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b……�?/SPAN> who made you sad.

 2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

 3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in. 

 4. When you are scared -- I will rag you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

 5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

 6. When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words.

 7. When you are sick --  Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don't want whatever you have.

 8. When you fall -- I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.

 9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;

 .............because you are my friend.