ADDD/ADHD runs rampet in my family.All my Moms grandsons have been diagnosed(except Brodie)5 out of 6 so far.I would love it if you posted some of it.and snail mail me I like to keep that kind of info around.Thanks Sherri

Witchy

One day I will learn how to spell,but for now bear with me.I have a bunch of stuff that I am going to put up aand Makenhey I hope to hear from you soon.

    It is so wierd that I run across this particular discussion just after visiting the "In Loving Memory "Board.  I faught ADD all of Joeys' life, running from one Psychiatrist  to another, all of them having the same diagnosis, and none of them having the "cure" or even much counseling, in the way of help. Life was  so difficult for all of us, having "outsiders" say that they knew something was wrong, but not being able to put their finger on it. Joey seemed so normal in so many ways that it was impossible for even us parents to really KNOW whether he really had a disorder or not. While he said and did inappropriate things at times, and scared the  living HHHH out of people (by way of recklessness or retaliation to very real mistreatment) Joey was the kid that could cure any animal, defend any weakling, train the untrainable horse or have the courage to stand up to the very same adults who could make life harder for him.

Fancyhorse my heart goes out to you for your lose.Our ADD kids are so preicous and unique.it is so hard to find good teachers who understand these kids and that know they are not dumb or unmotivated that they just really learn different then the rest.All the boys on my side of the family sons and nephews have all been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD.

But you said it so well when you said

I am writting this so maybe someone else won't have the same outcome as us.  I can not go back and change anything but I hope it gives someone the courage to fight harder for their children. It is my opinion and nothing more.  You will notice that words are mispelled or the letters are in the wrong order.  This is part of the learning disorders I have.  There are many faces to this but it is all lumped into the term ADHD by most people who don't even know what it means.  The person who has ADHD may have desylexia, be bipolar, have attention/focus problems, secquencing problems like not being able to remember over three things on a list and you have to keep looking at it to see what you should be doing next. Writing numbers in the wrong order, or thinking one thing and say another.  I was labled a lazy,  I was told to try harder and I would succeed.  My brothers were passed each year with the promise that they would catch up the next year, NOT.  This was a problem in my ex's family as well.

 

I could write volumes on this.  My son Matt was diagnosed ADHD when he was in Kintergarden. He is now 24. I was told to put him on Ritilin (by the principal) or he would not be passed to the next grade.  It had been a constant fight throughout all his school years, with teachers, principles, councilors, psychatrist, and any one else that he has come into contact with.  He was labled by adults throughout his life as 'bad'.  The same people who were suppose to help, set up more obsticles in his way and set him up for failure.  He was on Ritilin since kintergarden, time released, much to the dismay of the school.  They wanted to have control of his medication, and said that the time released didn't work as well.  Like they had a medical degree.  

 

 Matt was taken to Michigan State University for his initial workup to determine just what the problem was and what the options were.   I had the doctors on my side about the control of the medication.  He was only on it during school, and after school activities.   Matt is a very bright person, he is creative, artistic, fearless, loyal (to a fault), has a way with animals, like he is part of their family.  I was told by school staff, at the yearly evaluation meetings, not to worry that they would help Matt get through school and graduate. Not.  I trusted them and they let us down.   By the time he was 16, he quit school.  They were more interested in the fact that he had a cigirette in his pocket on school property, (repeted suspensions).  But adults could smoke on school grounds during games and such.  Double standard in the drug free school zone? 

 

Matt didn't get along with the 'normal' children at school, they found him too immature and impulsive.  He would interupt their conversations, (or else he would forget what he wanted to say), they knew how bad he wanted to belong so they would have him do things to prove himself to them, (usually something that got him in trouble).  He usually hung around with the other children that had been labled 'bad', or trouble makers.  He was in trouble at school, he got in trouble with the law and he became what they labled him as.  If you tell someone long enough that they are bad then they will be.  They will act as you expect them too.  He gave up trying to please them and just started acting out.

 

I worked full time and was going to college, and trying to do the best I could.   I graduated from highschool with a 1.25 GPA, When I got my first associates degree I had a 4.0.  I was almost 40 years old at the time.  When I got my second degree I had a 3.89, (3 courses of algebra just fixed the perfect 4.0).  I went in for testing, utilized handicapper services in college, books on tape, tutors, drove the teachers nuts, because I would question their questions on tests,  to me some of the questions weren't written so you knew what they were asking, could be taken several ways.  I learned what the problem was, it wasn't me-- it's them.  The teachers are unable to understand ( to a point) what it is like to live in my mind and deal with the world they have created,  They should be trying to make the world fit to my needs instead of driving me nuts trying to make me fit into theirs.  I do not  see the world as they do.  Being older helped with most of the teachers, I have a mouth and I use it.  If I feel that something could be done better I will suggest it to someone.  If I had gone to college and learned what I did before Matt, I may have been better equipped to deal with his world and make it a better place. 

 

Always tell them that you are proud of them,  tell them that you love them no matter what.  You do not have to approve of what they do to love them.  Their self esteem is the key to their success.  If they see themselves as a faliure, then they give up trying.  The world beats up on them bad enough, they don't need to beat up themselves.  It is the same when you are training horses, you never end a lesson on a negative, always on a positive.  Tell them you are mad at them, that you don't approve of what they have done, but always tell them that they are loved and that they are a good person.  That in this case the whole world is wrong and that they are right. 

 

I know that this is long, and I am jumping all over the place.  Oppps there's that focus issue again.  I will try to focus harder next time I promise.  Now here is the kicker.  This wonderful child grew up, hung out with the wrong people, and nothing I said made a difference.  He was angry and hurt at the world around him and he let them know, but not in a constructive way.  More self distructive than anything.

 

I get to visit my son 7 times a month, for about 2 hours per visit, for the last 2 years.  He is in prision.  He is my only child, and maybe someday he will get to come home.

Bev

Spirit that was a very well written.It has touched my heart as well .I live with not a ADHD child but am ADHD myself.My oldest boy recently left home for what he feels is greener pastures.Thankfully he is going to school and that is the condition of his staying where he is at.We fought long and hard to get things changed and i have more then once supressed teh urge to knock a teaher or a principal on their butts.I now have a social worker who has a herd of ADHD children of her own and she is our GOD SEND.She goes to the school with me and having what pwoer she does she helps a greta deal in my kids getting teh help they need.Until Alex started at that school they didn't have much help for children with disabilities.Now they have a full time aide.

Alex sounds so much like Matt.It really hurts to know that our children fall threw teh cracks like that.

Thank you so much for sharing it really helps to know that we are not alone

Kim