I've learned that you cannot make
                       someone love you. All you can do is
                   stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

                   I've learned that no matter how much I care,
                          some people are just assholes.

                         I've learned that it takes years
                       to build up trust, and it only takes
                       suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

                         I've learned that you can get by
                       on charm for about fifteen minutes.
                    After that, you'd better have a big weenie
                                  or huge boobs.

                         I've learned that you shouldn't
                      compare yourself to others - they are
                         more screwed up than you think.

                     I've learned that you can keep vomiting
            long after you think you're finished.  ( I've also learned
         that these moments make for the very best ab work-out
                  you can find)

                       I've learned that we are responsible
                   for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

                         I've learned that regardless of
                     how hot and steamy a relationship is at
                first, the passion fades, and there had better be
                        a lot of money to take its place.

                      I've learned that 99% of the time when
                  something isn't working in your house, one of
                                 your kids did it

                    I've learned that the people you care most
                    about in life are taken from you too soon
                  and all the ones you hate never go
                                      away.