Eternal Truths 
 
1. Once over the hill, you pick up speed. 
2. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. 
3. If it weren't for STRESS, I'd have no energy at all. 
4. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 
5. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. 
6. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He 
didn't trust me so much. 
7. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. 
8. We cannot change the direction of the wind...but we can adjust our 
sails. 
9. Some days are a total waste of makeup. 
10. Do you believe in love at first sight...or should I walk by you 
again? 
11. If the shoe fits...buy it in every color. 
12. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 
13. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 
14. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than  standing
in a garage makes you a car. 
15. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 
16. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never 
tried before. 
17. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 
18. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is 
serious. 
19. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 
20. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government 
program. 
21. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the 
trip. 
22. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 
23. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 
24. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 
25. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 
26. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the 
waist change places. 
27. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 
28. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks 
before you need it. 
29. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 
30. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a 
mistake when you make it again. 
31. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 
32. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real 
world. 
33. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to 
make them all yourself.