Letter I wrote, but did not send...

Hi Gran.....

I just went by the Game Room and saw that Proud Nana is not doing too well.   I wanted to send my well wishes for her.   No matter the past... it hurts that she is suffering so and I'm sorry for that and I do hope she gets better in time.

Gran,  also, please know that I am truly sorry for all the things that were considered to be done wrong on my part, or to be wrong about me.   I thought I had tried so hard to be a nice person... but seemed to have failed miserably.

The things written about me in the letter on my group back in January still hurt deeply to this day.   Still not sure who wrote it.  I have it saved, and occassionally re-read it to check myself.   I still do not understand where most of the accusations stemmed from.   But no matter if something said is untrue... ugly things said still hurt.  Because it hurts to be so hated and disliked, by anyone.   Every time I read it it's like getting slapped in the face all over again.   And it makes me want to strive harder to make sure those things are never true about me.

Gran... in my mind,  I made one mistake.  I totally accidentally mentioned my group in the wrong place ... and for what that mistake cost me, I'll forever deeply regret not being more dilligent to pay stricter attention to rules.   Believe me, I've learned my lesson in that area.  I truly, honestly... did it by oversight and not paying attention.   It was not deliberate.  When I was on your group Gran, I never ever had it in my mind to set out to hurt you or take your members...and it truly hurts to this day that you think that of me.   Please know I'm sorry that things got so messed up between us.  Things can never go back.... but please know I am sorry.

I'm sorry I made the kind of mistakes that caused others to dislike me to such a strong degree.   I didnt' realise there was so much 'wrong' or 'bad' about me.  Especially the long messages I used to write.  I had no idea they were so disliked.  

Yet in all the ill feelings sent towards me.... it does truly hurt me that Proudnana is suffering.   And I will be sending up prayers for her healing.   I don't know...?...maybe she dislikes me so much she would not want to even know I've sent this.   I'll let you decide wether or not to pass my well wishes on to her.   They are sincere and from the heart.

I messed up.  I screwed up.  I made a mess of things.   And as a result, I am greatly disliked by a few people.   Hopefully my past mistakes will  help me to do better in the future, and to be more careful about how I relate to other people.   My past enemies may not ever again be my friends.   That is the price we pay for our mistakes.  Hopefully... through the lessons learned from all of this between us, I'll do better and  won't make enemies out of my future friends.  I'm going to try hard not to.  

I wish you only success and good things in your life Gran.   I'll be sorry for the rest of my life for the mistakes I made.  

Sincerely, Grace