I can tell you what is more destructive to a marriage - not loving your spouse, not cherishing or respecting her. Gaslighting. My ex didn't have an affair - I don't think. He went around in public acting like he adored me, braggin about his devotion to me. He wouldn't say, "I love Holga"  he'd say "I love my wife - I really love my wife." Like a mantra he was using to convince himself. But there were so many ways he made me feel unloved and he played so many twisted mind games that I doubted myself. An affair would have been more honest. I could have been furious and kicked him out and held my head up with righteous indignation. All the affair would have destroyed would have been the marriage. He destroyed me. He damaged our oldest daughter by using weird tactics on her. I'm certainly not advocating affairs and I'm not going to get involved in one (which is why I wanted everyone to lecture me to make me strong against temptation) - but you should know that, painful as it is - there are worse things. If you are the scorned wife, you get sympathy. Everyone agrees he's a scum and the OW is a ho. But, if you have no bruises and there is no other woman and he's out being Mr. Charming family man, while you sit at home dazed, confused and depressed - you get no sympathy at all. He gets it for being stuck with an albatross wife. If my kids had not grown up and stood by me, I would still be fading away.