|
|
 |
|
Reply
| | | Message 7 of 14 in Discussion |
|
| Holga, If your husband didn't have an affair, then you cannot really understand how it feels or what it means. Scorned women get sympathy??? Only on DCS. I'm seen as the woman who didn't love him enough, who didn't understand what a wonderful guy he was, who didn't sacrifice for him because all I think about is myself. (And our autistic child.) The one who didn't make him happy...who failed. My truth is that he was abusive, in his first marriage and in this one. I am destroyed beyond description, have lost myself, lost too much weight, can't sleep...I feel utterly lost...because of the other woman...who snuck into our lives and he never told me...never gave me a chance to stabilize within the events. In other words, other women are there, lending support, and if the wife has no idea (which she never does) she doesn't even know that she is fighting for her marriage. She may actually want to save her marriage, but instead she has bad days and fusses, and feels lonely, and gets mad because husband is distant, or rude to her because she's a nuisance to him now (but doesn't know it)....she doesn't even know she is digging her grave if she wants to save her marriage. Then...it's too late. She never really had a choice. Should a wife always throw herself at her husband's feet...never stand up for what she believes in and knows is right, just in case he is wandering into the arms of another woman? That doesn't make sense. Honesty is the ONLY thing that sets boundaries...and when there isn't any honesty, the marriage is completely doomed. I couldn't disagree more with your assessment of having an affair vs. a loveless marriage. I feel like I had both...my husband had a love/hate relationship with me...but the betrayal was much, much worse because it broke me...made me question reality, left me thinking of every little thing, clue, sign that I was too stupid to see, makes me feel like I'm not even worth honesty (which doesn't cost a dime, by the way, so I'm worth less that that!), broke every agreement we ever made, left me with a special needs child that he would only love on his terms and loved the most when he had another woman there...and carried on for the better part of a year (or more) without my knowing it! It sounds to me like you have made up your mind. Only you know what is best for you, and we all struggle so hard for happiness. I wish you luck. Sky | Reply
| | | let them work it out for themselves and u run for the hills till and if he decides to become a single man nothing is worse that end up thinking u were the cause of someone elses pain ...jmho | | Reply
| | | I have made up my mind. I"m going to tell him no more contact at all. If after a year or two, he finds himself free, then maybe he can contact me. But, I'm focusing on my work and kids and the people around me. The whole thing has been too conflicting and has taken up too much of my emotional energy. I dont' need another bad situation to wreck my life or my kids'. But, I do know what it's like to have your husband flirt with other women in front of you. Worse - I know what it's like to have him treat your oldest daughter like his girlfriend and allow other people to think she is (she put this in a statement to police as an adult - I always thought that was all in my head and said nothing until I read her statement) He let people think I was his mother once. When that daughter grew up and wouldn't let him near her, he started on the next one. A customer at that daughter's work saw my ex and our second daughter together, didn't know he was my daughter's family, and told her he was livid at "that man over there with a girlfriend far too young for him - she's just a child." So, if you think I don't know what it's like - I do. He and the wife of his cousin had somethign going on and that marriage eventually ended - but I could never prove it. I just saw how she flirted and cavorted around him and how he fell over himself. I saw how he ran to the pastor's house, who had two teenage girls with crushes on him and had supper over there several nights a week - while demanding I have dinner on the table at 6 sharp or he'd throw a big fit. How he'd get the pastor's wife to cut his hair and make his birthday cake and how she loved all that attention from him and was compassionate to his every complaint about me. How she sympathized with him, pushed her daughters toward him and how he paid the pastor $100 per day to ride with him (he was self employed) when he made me think we coudn't afford healthcare or groceries and how the pastor would counsel me to give him everything he wanted and that if I didn't and he had an affair it would be my fault. I know what it's like to have all the decks on every side stacked agasint you, and you still have to take care of babies and toddlers and find a way to put a meal on with very little money. | | Reply
| | | From: Maggie | Sent: 9/18/2007 10:44 AM | | Ana took the words out of my mouth...Been following this thread but I know I do not have the tact to express myself without hurting you. I would back out gracefully and let your friend and his wife make their own decisions. I would not be able to look anyone in the eye if I even thought I was the cause of another woman's pain. My husband's gf was "just a friend" and she didn't give a rat's ass that she made it easier for my piece of shit husband to destroy a family. The little slut had the nerve to tell me exactly how long they had been f**king (to use her term). Let's just say I'm still borderline dangerous within 100 yards of this slut. My xtb is just as guilty but she was his accomplice (sp?). Run, because reality is that you will have to shoulder some of the responsibility by being his net or back up plan or whatever term you like to give it. Take care, Maggie | | |
|
|
|
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
Prev Message
Recommend