"All the affair would have destroyed would have been the marriage."
Since your ex "didn't have an affair - I don't think.", then you can't possibly know.
It wouldn't be a longshot to bet that IF your husband HAD cheated on you, you would be saying something quite different.
I have to tell you, Holga, it's not easy to feel sympathetic for someone who has little to no compassion for others. Yes, you were hurt by your ex. I get that. But guess what--ALL of us were hurt in one way or another. Pain can't be measured, and since it's impossible to truly feel any pain other than our own--it also can't be compared.
Frankly, I don't understand what your last post (#33) has to do with the emotional affair you are having with a married man. Do you think that because your ex treated you so badly, you have a right to cause pain to someone else? That's what it sounds like to me. You seem to be dismissing infidelity as being insignificant while attempting to bolster your own sense of entitlement. Not cool.
When you were sitting at home "with no bruises" feeling "dazed, confused and depressed", you at least KNEW what you were dealing with and have the option of how to respond.....a cheater's spouse doesn't have that option.
kay
ps Fortunately, my husband didn't cheat, either, but my heart goes out to those who have had to suffer the betrayal and other affects that infidelity causes.