I cooked for myself yesterday.
Nothing fancy....
but it was more than having a plain hot dog on a piece of bread,
or a bowl of cereal, or peanut butter and crackers like has been the norm.
I fixed salmom patties. I cooked.
Or rather... I took time to cook...
I took a little more time to do something good for myself.
Letting myself do that has been the most difficult of my struggles.
I was opening the can of salmon before I even had time to think about it.
And I smiled... and knew... I was a little more healed.
A couple of weeks ago I had bought a box of tuna helper.
It sat on the counter for days....and then got put away into the pantry.
Seeing it triggered some form of resistance in me... a pain, even anger.
It seemed wrong, even bad, to consider making that simple meal.
It's amazing the many layers of "issues" we will peel off....
Facing each one as they come to the surface.
Not having anyone else to focus my attention on, left only me.
And taking care of me... has been a difficult thing to learn to do.
It was always about the husband and the kids first.
I got the left overs of time.. money... space... affection...
Now.. it's just me.
I get it all... from myself.
I've had to learn it's ok for me to get it.
It's ok for me to have it all... and not feel bad or guilty.
I cooked...for myself.
And I smiled.... inside, and out.
I'm going to be ok.
It's ok to do something good for yourself.
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