Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

Did you hear about the mattress tester who was fired? He stayed awake on the job.

     A lion spots a monkey walking through the jungle. He grabs him by the neck and roars "Who's the king of the jungle?".
     The frighten monkey says, "You are, of course, your majesty."
     The lion does this to several other animals, with the same results. Then the lion goes up to an elephant, grabs him by the trunk and roars, "Who's the king of the jungle?"
     The elephant picks the lion up with his trunk, bounces him a few times on the ground, grabs his tail, twirls the lion around over his head, and then lets him go flying into a mud puddle.
     The lion looks up at the elephant and says, "Well, if you don't know the answer, just say so !"

     A woman calls the airline office in Chicago and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Seattle?"
     The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
     "Thank you." the lady says, and hangs up.
 

     A dog and his master went to the movies together and was shown to their seat by the theater usher.  When the picture was over, the dog applauded loudly.  As they were leaving the theater the usher says, "I see that your dog really enjoyed the movie."
    "Very much," the dog's master replied.
    "That's amazing!" the usher said.
    "I think so, too... especially since he didn't care for the book too much."