I'm So Glad You Want A Divorce
Dear Soon to be EX-Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good..!!!
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came
home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers You came home
and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or
anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore,
whatever the case is, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry
from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to
mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago.
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the
price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my
sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk
boxers were $49.99... After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to the Bahamas. But when I got home
you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life
you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't
get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born
Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
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