| Silence by Karen© 2005 I got out of my bed and stepped onto the porch, like I have done, just about every morning of my life, at this time.
I held my coffee cup, warm in my hand, and I felt the mist on my face from the waterfall, that was through the trees, just down that path to the left. I don't know how long I stood there, drinking in the morning freshness, along with my first cup of coffee, but it was long enough to feel something was different about this morning. I wasn't hearing the birds, like I usually did. I looked around, anticipating a large cat lingering at the path, but I didn't see anything.
Mountain lions were frequent visiters, and made the birds wary.
I had to see what the matter was, so I started down the path. It was just a single person trail, made by my frequent trips to sit by the pond, at the foot of the waterfall. The grass hadn't been beaten all the way to the dirt, so it was still green, but trampled a little. I followed the zig zagging trail, as I wove in and out, around the trees.
There was no movement, that I could see...... Anywhere........ As I approached the pond, I saw the swans as they slowly made thier way accross the water. They didn't seem to notice anything different in the air. I sat down on the rock, that has always been my favorite place, as I sit and watch the waterfalls.
The wind was lightly blowing my hair around my face, and I saw the leaves dancing. I smiled. They also felt the wind.
My cup had grown cold in my hand, and I realized I had finished the coffee it held, without knowing I had done so. Slowly I set it on the ground next to the rock.
The sensation of strangeness still surrounded me, but I couldn't put my finger on the cause.
I tried to concentrate on what it could be...........
I saw a butterfly flitting from leaf to leaf and then to the grass that surrounded me. It came closer to me and I reached out to see if it would allow me to touch it. I smiled as it landed on my hand. It's wings slowly fluttered as it rested there. I felt so comforted to see the trust the butterfly seemed to have in me. Some days aren't nearly so calm for me. Some days I cannot shake the strange feelings that seem to be coming over me. That feeling seems to happen more often all the time. Like today...... when the birds weren't singing. I can't explain how sad that makes me. I remember when they sang to me every day, at my window, before I even opened it in the morning...........
I listened, and tried to think about the last time I had heard thier songs. As I concentrated and thought I must be going mad, I suddenly realized, as I got tears in my eyes, I couldn't hear the waterfalls either...........
I sat on the rock for a long time and let the tears flow, in self pity.
There wasn't anything I could do about it, except reflect on how it all came about. I remembered when I was a small child, in the town of Bryant, in the state of..... well that doesn't matter, but that was when I started to become aware of my surroundings, and I loved listening to the birds. I would get up early just to hear the first wake up chirps. It was the most satisfying time of the day. I sat on the stoop and stroked my dog, Nipper, as he and I watched and listened.
Some day, I whispered to him, I'm going to be rich, and you and me are going to live in the forest somewhere, just so we can always hear the birds. He looked at me with his solefull eyes, and agreeded with everything I said. Of course I was just five years old, and he knew I wouldn't lie to him. We were buddies. As the years seemed to fly by, Nipper got slower and slower. I thought he would always be there, for our talks in the morning. One day I couldn't find him, and I forgot to listen for the birds.
I searched everywhere for him, and finally, later in the day, while I was at school, someone found him on the road. He had been too slow to move out of the way of a car. We buried him by a tree, close to the edge of the woods, so he could always hear the birds singing.
That's when I started to lose some of the sounds of nature. I thought I was blocking them out, because Nipper needed the extra hearing, because his ears were old. I gladly gave him part of my sounds. Funny, but I didn't even assocciate that time with my hearing loss, until now.
I was a good natured child, and as time went by, I became somewhat of a rebel.
I got in trouble for no reason, (that I could think of anyway.)
I loved to read, and often took my book outdoors, or sat next to the window in my room.
My mother said, in the years to follow, that I never listened to her. That I was always nose deep in a book, and never would get my chores done. That was true. Although, in my own defense, I didn't know what chores I was to have done, because I seldom heard her tell me what she wanted me to do.
In school, I was always put at the front of the room. I thought it was because I had been naughty, somehow, but actually it was because I couldn't hear. I was taken to doctors, and they couldn't find any reason I should be losing my hearing at such a young age. So I just learned to live with it. Now, some days I hear very good, (at least I think I do) and some days, like today, I only hear the buzzing inside my head. Coming back to the present, I slowly got up and went to stand next to the water. I looked at the sun coming over the hill and wished I could be like everyone else. I dried my pity tears, and turned toward the path. When I got back to the house, that had been built in the forrest, I sat on the swing on the porch, and opened my book............. I began to read the words, and once again I can happily hear everything that is said. I can hear the birds singing, the waterfalls with thier water falling over the rocks, and singing thier own special tune, as they follow the rivers banks to the sea. I hear the sirens of the fire trucks, as they speed to help put out the fires.
I thank all that is good, that I have been allowed to hear these sounds, at least for a part of my life, long enough for me to make memories.
I feel Blessed and very grateful. And so my life is full............
Karen© Feb 2005
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