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| | | From: Vanda (Original Message) | Sent: 3/24/2008 6:29 AM |
Here's a chuckle for you to take your mind off of how swiftly the day is arriving.
A news item this morning was about a local coal miner. It seems that his avocation was painting, but since he couldn't afford to buy canvasses he simply painted on the wall of his small cottage.
Unfortunately, a gang of youths broke into his cottage earlier this week and defaced his paintings. Yesterday the young miscreants were charged in court with having ... "corrupted the murals of a miner." |
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| | | From: Vanda | Sent: 3/24/2008 6:31 AM |
If you like that one, here's another.
Did you hear about the 2 guys who decided to try duck hunting?
They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog up high enough." |
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| | | From: Vanda | Sent: 3/26/2008 8:44 AM |
GONNA BE A BEAR
In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate, You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.
When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.
If you're a momma bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you"re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
Yup, gonna be a bear!
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| | | From: Vanda | Sent: 3/28/2008 12:37 AM |
The Banana Test
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals: a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by. They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality!
So think care fully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds
Got your answer?
See the next Post |
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Reply
| | | From: Vanda | Sent: 3/28/2008 12:39 AM |
If your answer is:
Lion = you're dull.
Chimpanzee = you're a moron.
Giraffe = you're a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you're just hopelessly stupid.
A Coconut Tree doesn't have bananas.
Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
You should take some time off and relax!
Try again next year.
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| | | From: Vanda | Sent: 3/28/2008 7:49 PM |
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital operator.
She timidly asked, 'Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?'
The operator said, 'I'll be glad to help, dear. What's
the name and room number?'
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said,
'Norma Findlay, Room 302.'
The operator replied, 'Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.'
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone
and said, 'Oh, I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, and her physician has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.'
The grandmother said, 'Thank you. That's wonderful! I
was so worried!God bless you for the good news.'
The operator replied, 'You're more than welcome. Is
Norma your daughter?'
The grandmother said, 'No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302.
No one tells me s**t.' |
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Reply
| | | From: Vanda | Sent: 4/2/2008 5:42 PM |
A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street.
The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.
"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?
"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."
"How about transportation?" the father asked.
"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.
The boy had an answer to every question the father raised.
Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."
"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied.
"We're not going to have babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"
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