Cultivate a Friendship with Death
Author: Dr Tim Ong
Copyright: August 2003
Why We Fear Death:
Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark. - Bacon
There may be a thousand reasons why we fear death, but most of all we
fear death because we fear the unknown, and death is an unknown
entity to most people. We fear that dying may be painful and we do
not know what will happen to us at the point of death.
Some people fear death because they imagine the dying process to be
very painful. Death is not painful. In fact, death is often very
peaceful and silent even for those suffering from cancers or other
terminal illness.
When the physical body is deteriorating day by day from a terminal
illness, and pain arises from superficial wound such as bed sores, or
deep pain such as bone or nerve pain, death may even be a welcome
relief for the sufferer.
We need to distinguish the pain of the physical body from the process
of dying. The dying process is a distinct process that is separate
from the deterioration of the physical body. At the point of death,
there is no pain.
What happens at death is the cessation of the breath and all other
physiological functions of the physical body. The heart stops pumping
and the blood circulation stops moving. The body stops generating
heat, and thus progressively turns cold.
For those who believe that we are more than just a physical body, and
that we are in fact spiritual beings, the dying process means much
more than just physical death.
Death is just a natural process that allows us to discard the
physical body as we move into the spiritual realm.
Since our fear of death is due to the fact that we do not know or
understand death, it makes sense to familiarise ourselves with it.
The more we understand death, the less we fear it. We should
therefore cultivate a friendship with death, and be totally familiar
with it, just as we are familiar with our friends.
We can cultivate a friendship with death in three simple steps:
1. Establish a link with God.
2. Cultivate a habit of acceptance, instead of blame.
3. Be a blessing to others.
Establish a link with God:
By establishing a link with God, we touch base with our own
spirituality. God can be whatever you perceive God to be. For
Christians, Muslims and Hindus, that may mean an omnipotent God. For
Buddhists, it may mean the Buddha seed within. Atheists may have to
come to term with their own spirituality.
Establishing a link with God means re-gaining your spirituality. It
leads you closer to the spiritual aspect of yourself. Whether we
accept it or not, we are more than just this physical body. When we
die, we leave this physical body behind and only our spirituality
continues on.
It is therefore essential for us to be familiar with our own
spirituality. It is the only part of us that continues after death.
This 'fact' is in accordance with all major religions.
Cultivate a Habit of Acceptance:
It is funny how when good things come to us, we readily accept them
as though we deserve them or we have worked hard for them, yet when
calamities befall us we quickly look for an external source to blame.
This is especially so when misfortunes such as terminal illness
befall us. We may blame God, and later blame ourselves or people
around us.
We should cultivate a habit of neutrality regardless of whether good
or bad things come our way. Otherwise, we can become very bitter
about life when negative things happened. Looking for someone or
something to blame only serve to prolong our own suffering. Death is
an enemy when we resist it, but the moment we accept it, it turns
into an ally.
However, cultivating a habit of acceptance does not mean not doing
anything to correct or improve our conditions. It does not mean, for
example, that when we are diagnosed with a terminal illness we do
nothing about it. It is only sensible to seek treatment, if it is
available to us. On the other hand, it also means we must know and
accept when curative treatment is no longer possible.
We fear death only when we refuse to face it. Unfortunately, there
are unscrupulous people who would take advantage of our fear of death
to sell their 'cure'. In my experience with the terminally ill, I
have come across countless stories of dying people being duped into
parting with their savings and properties in the hope of achieving a
cure.
Be a Blessing to Others:
This is our greatest and most reliable ally at the time of death.
Knowing that we have been helpful to others and that we have tried to
live a blameless life takes away the fear of death. If our life has
been an honest one, free of any conscious intention to hurt any
living beings, we have nothing to fear when death approaches. Our
mind will be at peace, undisturbed.
On the other hand, those who lead selfish lives, and harm others to
get little advantages for themselves, find themselves imprisoned in
tiny, dark cells when they move to the other side.
Therefore, while we still can, we should give our best to the world
and to people around us. Lend a helping hand to others and help to
lighten their loads. Bring joy to the joyless and comfort to those in
need of comfort. There are many who are less fortunate than us. Count
our blessings and be a blessing to others. | |
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