In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the repossession of your government and property, effective this date. The Council of Chiefs will assume traditional duties over all states, common wealth and other territories, except Los Angeles, which you damaged beyond repair. The new Council of Chiefs will appoint the National Congress of American Indians to disband the United States Congress and Senate.
The White House will become an Elders' Center. All Governors' houses and other government housing will be turned over to those homeless or near homeless families who have been on HUD waiting lists for years.
To aid in the transition to the Traditional Ways of life, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect...
1. Look up the word "repossession" in the dictionary.
2. Look up the word "Shaman" in the dictionary and discontinue any relationship of this word to any Indigenous healer or helper.
3. Revision and reprint of all dictionaries, specifically removing the word "Squaw" and other disparaging words hateful to all people of color and those with disabilities.
4. The words "ayee," "enit," "oh-yeah-huh," "snag," "brewed-up," buzzed-up," "grease-up," "no shame," "somehow," "someway," "nine," and "49" will be added to the dictionary.
5. Discontinue to refer to traditional regalia as "Costumes".
6. All hunting and fishing rights will be based on need of the family or community. All sports hunting and fishing will be banned. Those caught sport fishing and hunting will be deported to the unclaimed country of Los Angeles.
7. You should learn to distinguish southwestern, northwest, coastal, plains, southern, east coast and all other tribes, bands, clans and corporations from each other. And note that all Indians don't or did not live in teepees.
8. Hollywood will be required to hire actual Native actors for parts and NOT just the bad guys or spiritual leader.
9. Discontinuance of American Indian names, tribes or images for any sports team. 99.9% of you seem to be unaware that no other race of people are degraded in such a way, i.e., St. Louis Spicks, Washington Wops, Georgia Gooks, Denver Danes. (With exception of the "Fightin' Irish.")
10. Discontinuance of the use of American Indian names, tribes or images on any product or merchandise. 99.9% of you seem to be unaware that no other race of people is degraded in such a way, i.e., Jeep Chicano, or Mazda African.
11. July 4th, Columbus Day, and Presidents' Days are no longer public holidays. Instead, anyone of Native American descent will have the summer off with pay, so we can all go snaggin' at the nine every weekend (see #4 above).
12. Fry Bread will be called Fry Bread and not Elephant Ears, unhealthy or greasy.
13. Indian-time will go into effect immediately. If you do not understand Indian-time, consult the local tribal councilman in your area. Otherwise, just wait a while and somebody will explain it to you sometime.
14. Commodities will have color labels. We'll bring back the tins of beef instead of the beef in a plastic tube.
15. Beauty pageants will allow the Native American contestants to wear T-shirts and cutoffs in the swimsuit competition.
16. All non-native peoples will be required to attend training seminars to learn the appropriate manner of "lip signaling." We thank you for your cooperation.
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