There once was a woman called Black Corn. She lived in a village
surrounded by incredible beauty. There was beauty in the forest, in the
plains, in the sky above and the earth below. Black Corn was very tall,
taller than all of the other women of her village, indeed, taller than most
of the men as well. Strong of limb she was and fair to see. Yet deep
within were hidden deeper waters, roiling with discontent and..... Well,
no one really knew what else, not even she.

Black Corn was very unhappy, she had so much love to give, yet could
not seem to find the one to give it to. All she wanted to do is love
someone and have someone love her. She loved her People dearly and did all
she could for them, even to the point of sacrificing her own wants to
help her People.

Many Gifts she had been given by Wakan Tanka, but could not seem to
find them when she needed them the most. She was taunted by many for
things she could not understand, she began believing, at first resistingly,
then willingly that the lies and the actions were deserved. When she
would gaze upon her image in the still waters of the pond, she would
think "you are too direct, too tall, too strong, too much... well, too much
everything! You have too much passion, too much love, too much... well,
too much everything, and no one wants what you have to give!"

Yet the love she held inside for all the People was full to bursting
within her breast and all she wanted was someone who would accept her
love. All she wanted was for the People to accept her love and what she
could give them. Down and down she went with no one to love, no People
who wanted her love, or so she thought.

Then, one day, after a particularly difficult incident, she awakened as
if from a dream and thought to herself "Why is it this way? What did I
do that was so awful that I should be treated in this manner?" Deep
inside herself she looked for an answer to these questions. Deeply, beyond
all of the hurt, all of the pain that had been put upon her, behind the
men who had used her without her consent, and eventually, as her
self-respect dwindled, with her consent. So many judgments had been passed on
her but none so harsh as what she had passed upon herself.

The deeper she looked, the uglier it became, and the faster the anger
rose until it was full-blown rage. White hot the rage burned and coursed
through her body. Blindingly it raged, but this too was another
illusion. Yes, the rage was a deception, a shield to protect her from what
laid beneath.

Finally she could hide no longer behind the rage and the sorrow that
she had desperately tried to hide over the years. It came at her like a
tidal wave and she stood defenseless in its path. She no longer had the
strength to fight; nothing left to stem the flood, so she stood
helpless in its path, no shield to protect her any longer.

Out she ran into the forest, hearing the tiny voice inside screaming in
agony, dying, dying dying, screaming NNNNNOOOOOOOOoooooooo... and she
just knew that all she had ever thought that she was slowly dying a
painful death. Finally, she could help herself no more and cried out in
anguish, clutching at the pain in her breast, feeling herself slipping
away. She cried out, in full voice, which held all of the pain and agony,
begging, at her most pitiful for Wakan Tanka to take her away from this
pain.

"Please, please Wakan Tanka, Tunkasila, I can bear this life, this
pain, no more, it is too much, Please, please, take me home, please let me
have peace!" And when she had finished crying out these words and
prayers, and all of the ugliness that was inside her had been given voice,
the sound so awful to hear that not even the animals or birds made a
sound out of respect for her pain, she lay herself down on the damp sweet
smelling forest floor. Her soul ripped open and flayed a bloody mess
before her and before the Creator, she finally saw the truth.

It began when she was 7 summers old; she would go into the forest to
play. One day a strange man came upon her and began to speak with her.
His words were intriguing and he spoke of grown-up things that she liked
to hear about. Eventually this stranger seduced her as a child, and as
a child, not knowing any better, had allowed it. Many years would pass
before Black Corn realized what had been done to her, and when she did
realize, she issued a judgment so severe upon herself that she began to
believe that she was unworthy of love. She lost all respect for herself
and, indeed, this is what she projected unknowingly to everyone she
came into contact with. The voices of the others that would taunt her were
really reflections of her own voice within that she could not, until
now, listen to.

In that moment of her defeat, laying on the forest floor, she began to
see with clarity what was that made the People treat her as they were,
and with that knowing, she began to cry, great heart wrenching cries
that tore at the very fabric of her soul and thus began the cleansing
process from within. She found that while she had forgiven that strange
man his trespass against her, she had never forgiven herself for her part
in it, she had never taken responsibility for it either, preferring to
live in a fantasy in her mind that she had been the victim, all the
while feeling the guilt of the participant. There had been one other who
had used her in this fashion, a relative, who did not know of the first
stranger. But by then, the damage to her soul had been done and, while
not realizing why it was so, she allowed herself to be degraded even
more by this second man.

After that, there was no room for self-respect or self love, feeling as
she did that she was unworthy for the things she had done.

After the sobbing had subsided, Black Corn began to feel differently,
having accepted everything that was ugly inside of her, she began to
heal. Finally, after all of these years. It took a long time, but finally
she was able to forgive herself as well as forgive those who took her
unfairly and in bad faith, took her innocence and made something ugly
out of it, all the while accepting her own responsibility in it as well.
Finally she was able to forgive herself. With that forgiving, there was
now room for love; all of the love she wanted to give the People was
the love that she had been denying herself. Once she could learn to love
herself and accept herself, she could also love the People much more
than she ever thought possible, and the People rejoiced!

You see, they had always loved Black Corn, but because she did not love
herself, she could not see this, she would not ever have seen it if she
had not asked herself "why am I being treated this way". The answer was
within her all the time.... This was Wakan Tanka's answer to her
prayers; this was his gift to her.