~ Secret Signature's PsP Garden ~

((((¯`'·.¸(*)°Karen's Journal January 18th(*)¸.·'´¯))))

Hello...Well let me tell you the past couple of days now have been pure hell for me...All because i stood up to my boyfriend Reg...

See he has been going out alot more now with his buddies which iam completely ok with he needs to get out once in awhile and have so fun with friends,but when he came over the other morning thats when hell broke lose..

I told him that once the snow melts and spring is here that is when i want to get out of my place more often and do things for myself, which meant going for walks alone, shopping alone, or just going out for a few drinks and dancing with my girlfriends, well as soon as i said that he forbidded me from going out to the bars without him..That if i did then we may as well break up cause he assumes iam gonna cheat on him with some man from the bar, well darnit that made me see nothing but red and i blew up at him badly. but for good reason in my mind..I told him just cause a woman goes out to the bar for drinks and dancing does not mean she is going their to pick up men, that is something i have never done or would even think about doing , first off iam committed to Reg and only Reg, secondly picking up a man at the bar is just asking for a one night stand or more importently trouble...I hav never been that kind of woman my entire life..But what set me off more was the fact that after being with him off and on for over 21 yrs he still doesnt trust me..

I was trapped and controlled by only one man in my life and that was Tyler's father and i promised myself that i would never allow a man to treat me like that again and i ment that... Which was what i told Reg before i kicked him out of my place...How dare he think i would let him behave like that with me , he was sadly mistaken..I told him to just stay away from me for a few days, that he needed to decide wiether he truely loved and trusted me and if he couldnt then he needs to move on with someone else, that would put up with his crap cause iam never going to..I also told him i have always believed in him and loved and trusted him completely no matter what, and that i deserved the same respect...So its been 3 days now since we have spoken so not sure where this leaves us, but even if we manage to come threw this iam still going out with my girlfriends without him , cause he is either gonna trust me or i will be the one moving on, not him...

Anyways that is why i have been so down in the dumps, it just brought back so many old feelings that i barried about my son's father and now cause of this they are surfacing again and once again i am feeling unsafe and unsure of myself again, that fear that terrorised me for yrs is slowly creeping back in and i really hate the way iam feeling, its freaking me out horribly..

Iam closing myself off again, and iam so affraid..

But on a possive note a good friend of mine,Michael is coming into town today and he knows whats going on so he will be here later to pick me up and take me out on the town, and make supper for me, plus he is just gonna give Tyler some money for himself to order supper and go out with his friends, he said i have always been their for him as a good friend and now its his turn to show me how a terrific woman should be treated..

So better get off here soon and go shower,, just wanted to write what i have been through these past couple of days..

Hugs Karen