My Name is Patricia Broderick. I am now in about my 35th year in suffering with Fibromyalgia. I started having problems when I was starting puberty at 15. Over the course of many, many years, I have had just about every test there is to take, I've had nerve tests, mental tests, internal testing. I've been on and off tranqulizers since  I was 16 years old. I have been an imsomnic my entire life. I have spent the majority of my life making excuses to everyone for my ever increasing problems, which nobody believed, nobody could find, nobody thought it was "real" pain, just all in my head. By the time I reached my mid 30's, I started getting more and more "things". I rarely get sick, I get "things".  I began having problems swallowing and the feeling that I was strangling was terrifiying, and it got worse and worse. I had been to so many different doctors, but thankfully, my husbands mother took me to her G.P., who thank God, didn't retire until he had me figured out. It was this man who sent me to a dozen more doctors to rule out other issues, and finally to a rhumathoid Specialist who put all the peices together and informed me I had Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Myofacial Pain Disorder, IBS, Acid Reflux Disease and massive stress related issues. I was put on medication for all of my ailments which was wonderful because I thought I had it licked. They found out what was wrong and I had medicine to help me. Unfortunatly for me, I also found out that it isn't over til it's over. And for me right now, at two weeks short of 50, and over 15 years since I was diagnoised,and the 20 years before I was, I know I have a hard road ahead of me. I was never given pain medication. Doctors don't do that. You don't get pain medication for a pain you can't explain and an X-ray can't see. The last 5 years have been a horror. I have given up everything I used to do. I am a petite woman, 4'11and about 110 lbs, but was always a runner, a doer, a worker. I am a mother to four grown sons and grandmother to one darling granddaughter of 10 months old that I can barely lift or hold for long. My 76 year old mother cares for her while my son and his wife work. I cannot do it. I have since be diagnoised with degenarative disc disease, a bulging disc, 5 bony ridges in C 1-5 and Lumbar 1-5. I need surgery to correct these conditions but my PCP and my pain management doctors feel that this needs to be put off as long as possible. Due to the fact I have FMS and MPS, they can fix some of the problem, but cannot take the pain away. The only good thing about having all the additional problems with my back is, I am finally considered "in pain" and get to have this pain management doctor, and for that I am deeply thankful. I have no clue how I managed without pain medication to help me.  I have deep empithy for those of us in pain each and every second of every day, without something stronger to help than Aleve. I take morphine twice a day with vicodin twice a day for break through pain. I was getting nerve blocks to help, but had to quit working due to my condition this last July 2004 and lost my health insurance. I am trying now to get disability, but I have such a problem getting all the paper work and appointments done and in on time. I am very forgetful to the point of great embarrassment. I am not on all the medication I need to be on to help with all my issues because of the cost, so I take what I can't live without and deal with the rest. The depression that comes is deadly and very insulting to me. I am, I WAS, a strong person. I have been reduced to a fraction of what and who I used to be. I am dealing with the depression better after being on antidepressants. I am off of those right now, because I feel I'm ok for the moment, but I have my own personal "pity partys". I have lost my ablility to work in my home, in my yard, for money. I rarely cook, I can't scrub a tub. I don't sleep and I don't dance anymore. I can't believe that I can't dance anymore. This is one of the most insulting diseases there is, because nobody can see. Nobody knows the pain, the fear, and the knowledge that we are'nt going to "heal". We deal everyday with family members and friends who say, "you look great!" "Your'e fine!" and the whole time we, those of Chronic pain and concrete bodys, cringe, because we know we can't make you understand. No matter what, we need you to understand. And to help us. We are losing our lives to pain when there is pain medication that will not be prescribed unless you get "lucky" like me and have an xray to "prove"  you have pain.  I don't want to see another person have to get "lucky" like me to get help for the pain. And a cure?? PLEASE!! We know we have a long way to go, but we need help. I still run across the occational person who tells me all I need to do is excercise or take this herbal drug or go see a "shrink". I don't take this from people anymore. I just tell it like it is. I've lost all my friends because I can't play, I can't swim and I can't dance. I worry daily that my husband of 20 years will tire of all of this and leave me to be with someone who can do all I could when we married. I worry about money and how to pay for drugs I need and can't afford. I worry about how much worse I will become. I pray for understanding and help to ease our suffering and give us back some dignity. I pray I have a life worth living for  however long I live. I pray for someone to fix this for us. Mostly, I just pray.