What a dilema your in right don't know if this helps.Last year my B/F, daughter had have a big wedding she told my b/f he could get the first dance at the wedding but she wanted someone else to give her away,that someone else being her Step father. My b/f told her he was not dead and if he could not be given his daughter away then he would not attend the wedding,and he didn't Reason being he could not cope watching someone else giving his daughter away. Don't know if this help, but good luck

From: "SmilingSuperSmile" <[email protected]> Reply-To: "Smiling Fibros" <[email protected]> To: "Smiling Fibros" <[email protected]> Subject: I need advice Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 09:53:42 -0700 ----------------------------------------------------------- New Message on Smiling Fibros ----------------------------------------------------------- From: SmilingSuperSmile Message 1 in Discussion OK here is the problem, I know I don't talk about my "bio" daughters much but that is because they don't want contact with me. Well, the youngest, who has been difficult (that is like saying it is sprinkling when you have a tsunami) she has both physically and mentally hurt me for years. She has, to say the very least been disrespectful to me and to Honey. The only times we ever heard from her was when she needed something. Well, over a year ago she moved to ND. Her father bought her a house there and he has moved there as well as his mother and brother. Her father is not a very nice man and holds a <st1:place>LOT</st1:place> of hate for me. Still after 10 years everything and anything is my fault. He is in total control of her now because she wants his money and she wants him to see her as "the good one". Well, she is getting married. She wants Honey and I to come to the wedding but not be involved. She will not let us stay at her house (her father will not permit it); she doesn't even live there, she is even asking her father if we can be involved in the wedding, to sit on her side, to be there as her mom. We are waiting to hear back from her. I am not sure I can handle going to her wedding. She only wanted us to be there over night so just come to the wedding and leave. I don't know if I want to put myself in the place to be treated as just a person going to a wedding. I don't know if I can handle the in your face disrespect. She is the instigator; she does things to just hurt others so she can watch it happen. She told her father for no reason at all that we were seeing our other daughter's kids, her father not only cut off all contact with the family but the grandkids too. His mom called Barbara the other grandma and yelled at her and cussed her out for letting us see the kids. We still see the kids and have always been able to. Sorry this is so long but I needed you to know some of the background.<o:p></o:p> <o:p> </o:p> So family what are your comments? <o:p></o:p> ----------------------------------------------------------- To stop getting this e-mail, or change how often it arrives, go to your E-mail Settings. http://groups.msn.com/smilingfibros/_emailsettings.msnw Need help? If you've forgotten your password, please go to Passport Member Services. http://groups.msn.com/_passportredir.msnw?ppmprop=help For other questions or feedback, go to our Contact Us page. http://groups.msn.com/contact If you do not want to receive future e-mail from this MSN group, or if you received this message by mistake, please click the "Remove" link below. On the pre-addressed e-mail message that opens, simply click "Send". Your e-mail address will be deleted from this group's mailing list. mailto:[email protected]

 

Its kind of a catch 22 here as you say your her mum. But even us mums have to draw the line somewhere. I personaly would not go to the wedding, let her see its hurting you but it will hurt you even more going by the way you will get treated. Make a stance and let her know why after all you have your health to think of. Its time for you to put yourself first not last as we mums do. She has made her choices she is old enough to get married therefore, you did your best, enough is enough ,think of you oh it will hurt no matter what you do,but take a stance for you. hope this helps sorry if i.m to blunt.

 

My b/f no longer see's his daughter she made her choice and he showed her that he was not going to bow to her when she remembered she had a dad, but what he did by not going to his daughters wedding made him a stronger person,who will no longer be used as a door mat.

From: "SmilingSuperSmile" <[email protected]> Reply-To: "Smiling Fibros" <[email protected]> To: "Smiling Fibros" <[email protected]> Subject: Re: I need advice Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 12:55:07 -0700 ----------------------------------------------------------- New Message on Smiling Fibros ----------------------------------------------------------- From: SmilingSuperSmile Message 3 in Discussion Thank you Helen, it is kind of the same thing. I have always been her mom and until about 5 or 6 years ago the only parent really. She went to live with her dad instead of Honey and me because we had rules. At her dad's she had a empty condo and no rules, he bought all the food (and liquor) and paid all the bills and she lived the life she wanted, or thought she wanted. We were still always there for her but it gets hard to keep it up when you know you will get hurt. We let her move back in with us afew times and she agreed to follow our rules, but as soon as she was moved in the promises went out the window :( She never says she is sorry or even tries to fix what she has done wrong I am just always supposed to forgive her and forget it ever happened. Under her dad's wonderful supervision she got pregnant before graduating high school and wasted all the money given to her for college :( I missed my oldest daughter's wedding because of her deep hate for me. I am tired of missing out on the mom stuff I waited all this time for. Any other comments? ----------------------------------------------------------- To stop getting this e-mail, or change how often it arrives, go to your E-mail Settings. http://groups.msn.com/smilingfibros/_emailsettings.msnw Need help? If you've forgotten your password, please go to Passport Member Services. http://groups.msn.com/_passportredir.msnw?ppmprop=help For other questions or feedback, go to our Contact Us page. http://groups.msn.com/contact If you do not want to receive future e-mail from this MSN group, or if you received this message by mistake, please click the "Remove" link below. On the pre-addressed e-mail message that opens, simply click "Send". Your e-mail address will be deleted from this group's mailing list. mailto:[email protected]

There is always the option of just going to the service, and then heading back to home.

 

I think that when you have a situation that you can't win, you need to look inside your

 

Is it possible that they will be minding their manners that day?

 

Could you handle it, if your ex turned nasty on you? 

 

I wish you luck with this, because it is a big problem. 

 

Remember, when you make a decision, you base it on the facts as you see them at the time.  So many people look back and are critical of their choices, but time, and experience can colour your memories.  Whatever decision you make, will be the right one.