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| | From:  mooof | Sent: 12/11/2006 2:33 PM |
I am.....of course, you've read my story (to dini...) It sucks, even though I haven't seen him now for over two years, I am forever scarred and my life will never be the same, hard as I may try to make it different. I trust no one easily anymore. I have become an angry and bitter person, I hate who I've become. I also feel that my deterioratimg health has also contributed that as well. I am working on accepting that (my bad health) better, trying to make lemmonaide out of lemmons. Be happy and thankful for what I have, not what I lost. I know I am supposed to find forgiveness for him, but I don't think that can ever happen. I never knew I could hate so much. I also know that in order for me to heal, I must forgive first. I don't know how or if I can ever do that. He has won in the end, he detroyed my life and my children are severly scarred. My being who I've become....well, he got what he wanted, that's what he wanted...that's the sad part. Until I can change, he will have won...... |
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I totally understand, I am now getting to the point where the thought of my ex doesn't send shivers through me. I never tried to let him see my feat for him after he left and I even went out of my way to be cheerful when I saw him (this was to make him even more miserable) :) If you ever want to chat please let me know. I believe you have to talk it out to get it out. Mega hugs, smiles and love :) |
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I know where you are Mary. I was in a similar situation myself. I started out with just what I could carry in my poyota. a few pots and pans and my clothes and shoes. I lived without a tv for a year or more. But I had to work just to pay rent and my car payment. Some weeks I bearly had 10$$ to buy groceries. I lost about 50 pounds the first year we seperated. I was bitter but at least I didnt have to worry about what kind of mood the monster would be in when he got home. that in itself was a hugh improvement. Sure I didnt have alot of material things but at least I got to where I could sleep. He had me to the point that I couldnt even turn to my family. I was totally scared of him. It just takes one day at a time and try doing one thing a day for yourself that you enjoy and then do something for a neighbor or family member. You do not have to live in fear. If he has come to your new residence. Take out a restraining order on him and dont let him near you! My X even tampered with my car once...or twice but I cant prove it..., I just know and he even laughed about it to some of my friends.Just let him go! You have yourself to take care of and a new life right in front of you. Enjoy it! |
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poyota = toyota.....lol. my typos are enough to make me laugh!!!  |
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