.... at 4 am this morning.   I haven't done that in a while.  

 

I've prayed... but I have not gotten on my knees to do it.   It never fails that when I do,  I always end up with my head bowed down and crying as the bad stuff is washed out, and God's cleansing power comes in.

 

I didn't pray for physical healing, although physical illness is what drove me to my knees.   I prayed for healing and cleansing of my soul.. because in some cases, not all, illness can be a sign that things are not right spiritually.  Illness can sometimes be a result of sin.  That was the case with me this morning.  And I knew inside that it was the spiritual part that needed to be taken care of more so than the need for physical healing.  I could feel it.

 

And when things in our spirit or soul get so bad that we can feel it.. then it's really time to do some serious soul washing.  

 

The dangerous part is that things can change so gradually we don't realise how far out of God's light we've drifted till it can be almost too late.   The onset of Darkness penetrating our soul is very subtle.... it surrounds us softly, slowly... providing no immediate discomfort to warn us we've begun going the wrong direction.  

 

We don't sense the wrongness of things in the beginning... because the wrongness, at first,  is so slight, it's not really noticeable.   Then over time, it escalates... and we start to become a totally different person.   Less tolerant of others.  Less loving.  Less compassionate.   Less forgiving.   We grow to possess less and less of the good things God would have us to be, and we start to possess more and more of the bad characteristics we're not supposed to have...  we become more cruel, more short tempered, more angry, more judgemental and critical, more resentful, bitter, jealous, more easily irritated,.. on and on the list could go.  

 

As for me.... I said some cuss words twice this past week that is just not like me at all.   A warning sign for me.   Not because I said them... but because when I said them, I didn't care... I didn't feel bad for doing so.   I had lately noticed a few other wrong things about myself also... but that was the lightbulb moment.   And having in the past been a very, very strong person of faith and a receiver of God's healing power the increasing illness attacking my body was a loud shout to me that "something is just really wrong here"...and that wrong thing was that I was way behind in my prayer time with God.... way behind in spending time inviting God into my daily life, to live in my heart and guide me in His direction.  

 

For me, when the heart starts to become so cold that sin does not hurt... does not prick ones conscience....  it is indeed time to get down on ones knees.. and get a deep spiritual bath...a thorough inner washing.  Because if there is so much gunk taking residence on the inside of ones soul that the flesh person does not even care... a quick "I'm sorry" will not cut it.   "I'm sorry" alone...  will not get that level of darkness out of ones heart and soul.  

 

At some levels, only deep sorrowful repentance will have the power to grab hold of those kind of dark things that have entered our heart and force them up and out so that they no longer have a hold of us.. and no longer have authority over us.   For God's healing light of love to enter and fill... the dark junk has to come out, so that God can replace that space in our heart with Himself.   And the best place for that kind of "exchange" to take place within us.... is all the way down on our knees.. in humble acknowledgement of His Kingship and Authority, and of his power and love.

 

In my personal experiences, the kind of darkness that is affecting our behavior... won't leave us until we declare we want it out.   Being sorry does not say we want it out.  It just says we are sorry.  We made the choices that invited those things into our personality.  And they don't give up residence easily... they don't leave without God's help and our invitation for Him to replace those bad things with his goodness in us instead.  That is what I call, the bathing exchange that takes place on ones knees. 

 

I got down on my knees this morning.... and was not pleased at what I had to face about how far off course I had drifted.  The blessing was that I was never out of God's reach.  He met me there on my knees.... and washed me clean.  

 

Even better news is that it was not my last chance.   In my humaness, I will at some point have to meet Him there again.   And His undying love will be there in an instant.  It's there waiting for us always, for everyone who desires to receive it. 

 

It's a vey short journey down to ones knees.... a second of ones time, and less than two feet.   Yet resistance to taking that step can have a strong hold on us... and make it look like just too far to go. 

 

Trust your need, trust your knees... and trust God.  He will meet you there instantly... with only love and forgiveness to give you.