I'm so happy.....
..
This morning after I left the courthouse, I went to the Kroger in that town to get me some wine.. and while there I talked to the florist there ... a school friend who had worked with Sandra for a while and knew her, and she described her nice person, but also a weak, needy woman who wants a man to take care of her. And, come to find out she had been divorced from her 2nd husband only a few short months before she took up with Robin.
I was not replaced by someone 'better' than me... that is why I'm happy. 
I was replaced by someone who is just like I was when Robin saved and rescued and married me..when I was a young, single mom. No wonder they are attracted to each other... they are both needy in their own ways.
Yesterday evening while out and about I contemplated dating again, in time. And as I did, I thought about the fact that "dating" someone... means only that.... someone to go out with and to have fun with.
No "responsibilities" attached. Not responsible for his laundry. Not responsible for cooking his meals. Not responsible for meeting his sexual needs. No ties, no controls, no obligations at all... just enjoying fun activities together. And boy did that idea feel great.
On parting this morning from the courthouse, after talking a bit, I told Robin that if for some reason down the road he and Sandra didn't work out I'd like to date him as a friend. His reply... "I'd want sex"...
. I said ' me too'... out of HABIT ... but in truth, of course he will NOT get any of that off of me.
His comment made me sad for him..... and reinforced why we will never be back together. Because he will never think of a woman on any other terms other than someone to use for his sexual needs and pleasure.
I crave to be friends with a man without any sex involved... just to be known and heard and listened to as a PERSON.... not a sex object to conquer and use and then throw away.
I felt so set free to learn the things I did about Sandra today.... and also by Robin's crude comment. Because now my mind cannot play games with me and imagine all the other worse things about myself.
It proved I was right all along.... it really is a woman being "strong" that drives Robin away. He needs and wants them weak and dependent... with him in control, and him being thought of as the 'better' of the two in a relationship. And he really is a selfish man... out only to meet his own needs. He had me to use for free sex for 32 years... and really thinks he has a right to continue thinking of me on those terms.. without being my husband. NOT.
Free at last, free at last... I thank my God for delivering me out of bondage and making me free at last. 
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