OK....here we go again.
My "dramas and ponderings" thread shall continue on now, with the new subject of "My Kids"... 
Time will tell what develops in the future.
Jeni, I read your reply on the other thread.
I've sent her one more e-mail.
I can't do anything more now... especially while she's like she is.
So it's all in her hands.
If we have a relationship... it will be decided by her responses now.
While she's mad...I'm going to give her the space she seems to want.
I just don't know what else to do, ..
... besides sit and wait now.. and love her from a distance till she is ready to either let out the anger, or whatever needs to be done.
I took the first step and broke the silence...
I've tried to get the door of communication open again..but only seemed to make things worse....?
And, she's got so many other issues in her life as well.. with her boyfriend and his kids and the problems his ex-wife causes her.... she is in a lot of pain froma variety of directions... and I worry about her.
In the past I was always able to be there for her completely... but this time I
had to take care of me and had needs of my own. And that shifted the balance of our pas relationship.
And you are right Jeni ... about my no longer even mentioning their dad to them...especially now that he is married again. I won't.
And I thought of that other possibility too today .... that at some point she could indeed get mad enough to want to keep me from Ethan...
so yeah, you're right... Robin will be totally non-existent in our conversations from now on.
In the meantime.... my daughter has her own hurts and wounds to get healed.
And as I thought about that, I realised I'm the cause of a lot of them, even back to her childhood..
And I realised I wanted to do whatever it takes to help her get well from what I caused ... and so I sent her a letter stating that.
She may not ever want to work on it...? I don't know.
I had to at the least let her know that I was willing to do what ever may be necessary on my part to do... go to counciling with her.. whatever.
She can't fully heal from the emotional wounds I inflicted on her without my being part of the cleansing process. Once a parent is dead and gone.. it's too late. I know from experience.... my mother died 29 years ago this month, 2 months before Shanna was born in October. And my dad died a year and half later.
If I do not give her anything else in her life... I so want to give her whatever mental health and emotional well being can be given... by being willing to go to couciling with her and work through the wounded parts.
Only time will tell what takes place...
I tried to let her know a little bit about my past... as a way of explaining myself a bit. I don't know if she'll understand it or not....
I just had to at least try something.
So much mis-communication going on right now... and her allegiance is of course to her dad... which I totally understand. So she's angry and probably defensive?... I don't know.
Maybe in time after I continue to grow and change... we too can form some kind of good relationship as well.
On the other hand.... I have to be realistic and face that it might not ever happen. Sometimes parents and kids never get along, never understand each other. It might end up being that way with her and I.
I hope not. Time will tell.
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