Read this one this morning and yes, you really need to refrain from swiping at her. It only makes her look like the victim of your anger....WHICH YOU HAVE a right to be angry. But do remember this anger is really at Robin, not her. He left your marriage way before he slept with her. Ok, enough of my two cents psychology....Feel better gf.....it will pass. And yes, do it for Ethan. DO NOT BE A DOOR MAT, be a gramma......

 

I'm sitting here crying....  not in sadness, but in feeling the love come from the

two of you in your words.   

 

All of you in this group give me the type of understanding, forgiveness for my shortcomings, and faith in my abilities, and encouragement.... and love... that I need to become a better

person and that I don't  get anywhere's else... except of course from God.   I can come here

and confess my sins and  feel safe to do so.   Because even if I do get the correction I need,

it too is given in love and support and encouragement, not the condemnation that I'm used to.

 

I knew it was wrong to do....  knew that anything bad I do will only make me out to be bad,

and will not hurt anyone but me.   Yet .... as I said... emotions and temptation got the best of

me.    On the other hand.... I also will not bend over backwards to be the 'needy' person in the

situation either.... I made a mistake is all.   I'm through being the kind of person of past years

who used to deperately "need" someones approval, acceptance, and forgiveness.    I get that

from God, and I've become able to give those things to myself, and,  I get it from true, loving,

honest, caring people here.   I don't need it from those that don't count in my life.   That part

I have learned clearly and completely.

 

Your words hit  home June.... "he left the marriage"....  Never thought of it that way before.

But it is so so true.   Even without breaking the vows... which he did... he 'left the marriage'. 

That gives me peace.  

 

This morning in my prayer time, talking to God about it....  I told Him there must have been a

reason that God did not have me find out about the narcissism until AFTER we were divorced...

and it must have been because the marriage itself was never God's will anyway.    "I" was the

one who made that choice, without asking Him about it,  and I was the one who kept trying to

save it, on my own...  never really asked Him about that either... just kept doing what I thought

I was "supposed" to do....  doing the wrong thing over and over and over and getting the same

bad and wrong results over and over and over as Robin continually repeated his same patterns.

 

I often said I had a one-sided relationship.   Now I see that I really only had a one-person marriage relationship all along.    He never was in the "marriage".      Another light bulb...

 

Thanks Jeni....

 

I love your way with words.....    And you too are so right.    And yes, I have prayed for

them both at different times.   Yet, right now,  I'm just realisig,  I really don't feel like praying for either of them  anymore.   Right now.... I just want a total cut of them out of my life....mentally and emotionally.  I'm weary of feeling anything for either of them.   I have myself to think about

now.   I've got to get busy living my own life.   It's time.    I've spent teh proverbial year in 'mourning'.... and  it's about over, I can feel it changing.... I'm feeling it all start to slip off of me, and out of me... and I'm ready for it  to be completely gone from me...  and be totally free of the past.   I'm ready to focus on me now...fully.  And it's a good feeling.  Kind of like watching the

sun rise on a new day....  the darkness is almost totally gone away. ..just mere shadows is

all that is left.

 

I am seeing "clearly" what you both say.....  and that too feels good.   When truth is no

longer shrouded in the grips of confusion, and lies, and  camaflauge.   But seen clearly for

what it is... easily distinguished separately from the wrong things, the lies, the half-truths.

 

Thank you  both for a good start to my new day.