Thank you Pat..... I so appreciate your wonderful advice.   It happens that what  you say I should do has actually been 'the' one most difficult thing for me to do all my life.   

And, it's taken the 2 years I've been apart from my husband for me to just BEGIN to  hear my own self... separate from other peoples voices in my head... especially his....limiting, restricting, controlling, criticising..... etc.   

This all started to go downhill at Christmas... and then by February...  which is the anniversary of the last time he screwed with my head.... the memories just got to me.

Working the long hours at work didn't help....

But... that is over....!.... and this coming week I am actually going to be off 3 days!...  part of the 'take care of myself' advice from Jeni.

I had to work enough to pay my rent first.... and now I can redo my schedule.   I also took another walk at the park this morning... and that is where I had a new "self talk"... and decided to "take action" in my own behalf.  So,  I'm off Sunday, Monday and Friday!

I am so looking forward to being off for 2 days in a row!

Thank you again for your help.

I have felt the 'hug' of everyones prayers... and I say again, I really did need it.  They are working.   

I should have said something sooner.... I suspected I was slipping for a while, but kept hoping it would pass.  And instead it just kept getting worse the closer it got to Valentines Day...plus the Full Moon last week.  Boy...everything was conspiring against me. 

Health Care change #1... I will not work  over 48 hours in one week.   And I told my boss today,  I can work 6 days a week if it's necessary.. BUT... a few of those days will have to for me to NOT come to work until 3 pm..... that way I will be able to still pretty much feel like I have the "day" off... and do things FOR myself at home that I need to do.

You all are the only people I have that I can be myself with, and be open and honest about what I'm feeling and why... about anything.   That's why you all get to hear me unload....lol..

 Thanks again Jeni for reminding me to take my walks in the park!   It's working!  

Thank you Sylvia for your wonderful encouragement .... together you and I both will not quit on ourselves, about anything.  Thank you for helping to pull me back out of my hole!

Hugs to all.... from a happier Grace... who is going to drink some wine now and sleep like a baby.  Told my son he is driving himself to work in the morning. ..