But this time... with "her" in the picture... the songs sounded so very very different.
All "slow"... and almost all about "love" in one for of another...
..and of course the tears started as I imagined the "messages" in the songs she was attempting to relay to him. And the more of the songs I listened to and the more my imagination ran away with me I almost felt physically sick! Just like in the movies... it really happens. Part of me wanted to throw up in despair and hurt and sadness.
And as I listened, and finally just took the thing out... I began to come up with all kinds of mean and almost evil scenarios in my head of things I could do...
I'd use my copy machine to make copies of the side of the cd where she wrote out all titles and of course her little heart and initials... I'd keep the cd.... I'd break the cd.... I'd give it back to him.. but I'd scratch out her heart and initials forever.... and write in mine instead and leave it on his pillow....I'd... I'd... I'd....
....I'd do nothing. And I pondered that choice. I could do nothing. 
this i kept in my head running for twenty years,always in the back of my mind, i'll show him, see what you missed, by your womanizing and drinking, always wanting him to hurt like i did, never truly happy, cause i was FILLED WITH TOO MUCH RESENTMENT, since starting this thread, and my love for nate growing every day, i rarely ever think of that twenty eight years of my life anymore, i know it stills play hell with my trusting the male sex, but i think that will soon pass too.
grace that pull is something else, i had left my ex the year before i left for good, doing that waiting,fears,loneliness, makes you run back,
waiting for the divorce, i wanted to run back again, a place of safety, but i had to repeat over and over in my mind all the reasons i left, and i gained strength every day, as you see you are moving a lot faster then me, you have already conquered your anger, so hang in there , you shall overcome.
you will you know, you are a brave,strong woman.
my hats off to you. i don't wear a hat,lol but you know what i mean.hugs jeni
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