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First fold
coloured side outward
along the centre line
of the child who sleeps too deep,
her hair
falling across the pillow
black threads slipping
glossy dripping
leaving her head bare
Second fold
same as the first in the other direction and
thin thin
bodies
all bones, gold stars
and gas
where there can never be enough burying
Third fold diagonally
the smell of napalm in the morning
television broadcasts
black and white and bloody
no one knows how the colour got in there
but it is all red
Fourth fold repeat as the third in the other direction
women in cloth
nothing left of them
head to foot
just eyes, dark
calling you, calling you
Fifth fold
bring in the side corners from the white side
o yoko
Sixth fold
one corner of the square
so that the edge is lined up with the centre line
as the Berlin Wall falls
and find
the snake has shucked its skin
leaving the same old wounds
Seventh fold
repeat with other flap
then flip to the other side
and note that it must look the same
neat
square
leaving no bloodstains
or smeared tears
despite the state of your hands
Time to crease hard
pressure needs to come to bear
to save much of everything
mostly children
Instead we choose to fold the same way in the
opposite direction
Yes, we could open our hearts and lay them flat
go for a kite shape that might fly
connect, work it out
fold our faces away from the floor
but turning to the other side
is expedient
easy and affordable
and as the making of our lives
becomes more complicated
and we lose interest and it all
gets too hard
the Towers fall
and we long for paper cranes
la g
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ooooooooooooooooooooosh. (what else can i say la g?) crow |
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La g, There is alot of meaning behind this poem when I read it such as the paper crane symbolism for me it means I want a crane to help in picking up the debris from the towers yet like a child I want the protection and security.Yet at the same time you are helping your child make the crane possibly so they are part of the effort yet do not know the exstent of what the towers falling symbolises.Well, thats the way I read it! I like this peice it is very creative. -Enchantress |
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| | | From: helen | Sent: 9/6/2002 4:30 PM |
Yes, we could open our hearts and lay them flat
go for a kite shape that might fly
connect, work it out
fold our faces away from the floor
but turning to the other side
is expedient
easy and affordable Beautiful work poet/activist. I might have ended it here.....thanks g. |
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well for what its worth i liked the formula u used in this poem , ingenoius and clever i also like the fact that it seems that we are writing as a community where one reports on what one saw another post pictures to further elucidate and another extrapolates with a longer poem hmmmm thanks for posting this one lag there were some great lines tooo huried to do the copy paste i may return to it some disturbed me some pissed me right off so that to me is a realgood sign actually made me look at my take on the wtc issue thanks again |
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| | | From: susie | Sent: 9/6/2002 9:41 PM |
easier to follow than those pages of instructions. oh, the condensation of poetry.. i might agree with what helen said except, i think the closing is appropriate. just delete the "the" preceding Towers. this way.. it can happen anywhere.. can't it? susan |
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|  0 recommendations | Message 7 of 22 in Discussion |
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| This message has been deleted due to termination of membership. |
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I thought it could do without the last nine lines which have the effect of lessening the impact
of the poetry in favour of being overtly didactic. It robs
the poem of its hitherto subtlety and delicate but vivid description. ditto |
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thanks so much for your comments all
yes, I agree with the hack off the vesitigial tail wailers
will edit
as i was writing them those words were limping about and I shouldda listened to them more as they bloody whinged and carried on but i was so keen to write a sympathy card
and it now reads like
"well, shit is very bad and it happens"
which is a true and fine thing
unless you are the widow
back to the drawing board
la g |
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| | | From: Corinne | Sent: 9/7/2002 11:31 PM |
La G, the crisp, hard folds are perfect metaphors for the actions of war. Thank you for this, Corinne |
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| | | From: Oldavo | Sent: 9/8/2002 12:03 AM |
I'll go and build a paper aeroplane - without sidewinders. Davo. |
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| | | From: Wulf | Sent: 9/11/2002 5:30 AM |
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A beautiful message written between the lines of age, folds of time.
A masterful piece of work.
WORDWULF
We are reflections only of our peers' device
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 6/10/2003 6:35 AM |
found this one, la g. didn't find the crow one yet, unless you're talking about the one where she has the link to origami cranes -- there is a poem she wrote there. i think. i remember reading it. that one is already included. but you have to go back to the thread. let me double-check. i shouldn't have omitted it - no prob to put that one in. |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 6/10/2003 6:36 AM |
why are all the dates & times on messages in Australian? hahaha |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 6/10/2003 6:42 AM |
doctor oragami
is already included. |
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