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|  0 recommendations | Message 1 of 19 in Discussion |
| | (Original Message) | Sent: 10/13/2008 4:29 AM |
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never mention the (p)lacenta word to a man
its as bad as talking about your (p)eriods |
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| | 0 recommendations | Message 6 of 19 in Discussion |
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| i will only eat anything that does not fight me (too much) on the way down |
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| | | From: jbond77 | Sent: 10/13/2008 6:25 PM |
this reminds me of my favorite short poem
How to Achieve Indelibility
drink
ink. |
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| | 0 recommendations | Message 9 of 19 in Discussion |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 2:00 AM |
you're really catching on, gypsy. haha i think your reply to piper should have read like this: your comment sucks, (p)iper. i spelled visceral wrong. :( but no, no conflict. read well. good response to james too. but i think he has tried that. haha |
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gypsylady, there was a lot in this i liked, but it didn't whisper-shout to me like the last few i've commented on by you. (sometimes the moment passes before i get a chance to properly respond to others). that is not to say this isn't good work, perhaps it's a taste thing. i will say... i like the way the opening stanza seems to turn without the reader quite figuring out the how or why of it. i question the use of "get-together". i wonder if your lovely brain could have found a few lines that would have made that clear without resorting to that particular term. not sure why but the sounds of it seem jarring in their casing. "feelings blur..." i KNOW you can find a better word than feelings. now, i'm aware that sometimes the most common word can resound better than something frilly or profound, but here it feels hmmm, like you can find something else. i really like the softness and resignation in the last stanza. and there were a lot of good word turns that make me happy. i think i think this can go from good to really good with a few changes in word choice, and... somehow i also feel there is a stanza missing to reconcile those lacy, hollow, dusty things with jazzy cow parts. or something. maybe that's just me. g |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/15/2008 3:45 PM |
I may be catching on, Susan. Gypsiwind, I really LOVE your comments! I will lift this one to file and see if my jello brain obeys and congeals its understanding for better expression. Great comments most appreciated! gypsy |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 10:45 PM |
thank you sweet jesus. i applaud gypsiwind; i'm glad she used the word: resound and not: resonate, which is the most overused, irritating word on the internet. s. |
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by some chance i came upon a poet that reminded me of the way you write. i thought you'd recently posted a poem that in some or other way dealt with "the moon", which i looked for but could not find.
anyway. the poet i found was a Mr Robert Hayden and the appropriate poem "Full Moon". I'm not sure exactly what led me to the deduction, lets just say I was reminded of my overall impression of your writing when I picked up and read some of his poems, and so decided to post it here, for general education if no other purpose.
Full Moon
No longer throne of a goddess to whom we pray,
no longer the bubble house of childhood's
tumbling Mother Goose man,
The emphatic moon ascends--
the brilliant challenger of rocket experts,
the white hope of communications men.
Some I love who are dead
were watchers of the moon and knew its lore;
planted seeds, trimmed their hair,
Pierced their ears for gold hoop earrings
as it waxed or waned.
It shines tonight upon their graves.
And burned in the garden of Gethsemane,
its light made holy by the dazzling tears
with which it mingled.
And spread its radiance on the exile's path
of Him who was The Glorious One,
its light made holy by His holiness.
Already a mooted goal and tomorrow perhaps
an arms base, a livid sector,
the full moon dominates the dark.
-Robert Hayden |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/16/2008 11:55 PM |
jesus, ws. i didn't read the intro. just the poem. and i thought-my god- ws has written a truly magnificent poem. then i saw it was written by someone else. hahahahaha |
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After expulsion during childbirth of the fetus there is a beginning, there is life.
The propinquity of the placenta does not entitle it to the same claim.
In other words you can put lipstick on a placenta,
but it is still only afterbirth. |
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