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So it's returned to the topic
of Happiness again. He thinks of
reheating the old, old coffee.
The stale taste of old, old coffee
reheated, laid in a new fresh cup
with just a dab of cream
might be just what he needs.
He peers out the window.
Leaves move across the lawn.
Same old.
But then again.
***
She comes out from behind the-
a curtain? A shower curtain.
Of a play he's been playing over and over
in his head. He thinks: now is when it happens.
But she hurries past him, like he was
but a shadow. Oh god, Oh god
she wails. If she would only
stop with the wailing.
What now? What is it? But there is
no response, no clarity.
Through the out-door she goes
that slams hard behind her.
***
Are you Happy then.
He puts the question to her directly.
What a question!
In the silence they both sip on this question.
***
Night comes early and without
announcement. We can sit through it
without even noticing it happening
around us. Then it's just there.
We can no longer see our hands.
We go inside. We say:
Here is warm. There is a love
in this house. It's in the walls.
The furniture, the books.
Here we are in our right.
He undresses her and she him
and they make love right there
on the cool floor and without
a sound.
A cat from screeches somewhere.
Night comes. |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/15/2008 1:32 AM |
Oh, this photo belongs to WS's album, by the way.. |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 4:32 AM |
A cat from screeches somewhere. well that next to last line (penultimate) got a bit turned on its head.
have compassion with it. empathic compassion for the rest of the passion though. are you sure it was a cat screeching? or a child interrupt us. s. |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 4:36 AM |
and don't tell me 'fiction'! i don't wanna hear it! |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/15/2008 4:39 AM |
Susan, I want what you drank tonight! |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 4:42 AM |
i don't drink, my nomad. but when i'm not too tired, i think a little better. not much. but a little. ;) |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/15/2008 5:02 AM |
I don't drink, either, and I am tired a lot lately. |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/15/2008 5:07 AM |
Oh, but Susie, you are a Wizard! |
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| | | From: ^~JustL | Sent: 10/15/2008 5:37 AM |
just like a kat..
:) |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 5:43 AM |
i gotta say goodnight, but i gotta say ... WHERE'D YOU FIND THAT OLE PICTURE OF ME!!??! thas me on halloween, just. haha |
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| | | From: ^~JustL | Sent: 10/15/2008 5:48 AM |
hahahaha
sometimes, originality hits us square in the mouth.
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i seem to have failed to mention publically that i like this a lot. i wonder about the changing of direction with the curtain thing. from behind the- a curtain? what i mean is, i don't know if it is necessary to be that overt in one's thought process. it becomes obvious (sort of) that the subject is thinking. Through the out-door she goes
that slams hard behind her. Maybe the wording in this is a little clumsy? I can't tell if it's intentional though, and maybe it's just me anyway. Other than those nitpicky and probably subjective things, I think this is very very good stuff. Prosypoetry masquerading as uh poetryprose? anyway. I like the way the repetition feels like the inside of ones head. or how a person telling someone an story from their day, or life might say the same thing again to reiterate it... i probably spelled that wrong, don't mind me. but yes, lovely lively stuff. g
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yes. thanx.
i wrote this rewrite below shortly after the original
to rid that curtain thingy.
also by some strange intuition
i altered that out the door slam line aswell.
anyway
Happiness
So it's returned to the topic
of Happiness again. He thinks of
reheating the old, old coffee.
The stale taste of old, old coffee
reheated, laid in a new fresh cup
with just a dab of cream
might be just what he needs.
He peers out the window.
Leaves move across the lawn.
Same old.
But then again.
***
She comes out from behind
the curtain. There's this play he's been
playing over and over
in his head. He thinks: Now is when
it happens. This very moment.
But she hurries past him, like he was
but a shadow. Oh god, Oh god
she wails. If she would only
stop with the wailing.
What now? What is it? But there is
no response, no clarity.
Through the out-door she goes.
Slamming it hard behind her.
***
Are you Happy then.
He puts the question to her directly.
What a question!
In the silence they both sip on this question.
***
Night comes early and without
announcement. We can sit through it
without even noticing it happening
around us. Then it's just there.
We can no longer see our hands.
We go inside. We say:
Here is warm. There is a love
in this house. It's in the walls.
The furniture, the books.
Here we are in our right.
He undresses her and she him
and they make love right there
on the cool floor and without
a sound.
A cat screeches from somewhere.
Night comes.
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/15/2008 10:35 PM |
christ. it's always when i don't copy my reply before sending that msn loses it. murphy's law. anyway, i said i liked this a lot. got more of the fragments this time around. no distraction on that penultimate line, and the curtain clarification worked. thanks, ws. s. |
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yessir, now it's perfect. |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/16/2008 3:13 PM |
I love a sneak preview into the thought process. It's a special treat! But, in this case, I think the shower fixture hidden works. What I like the most is your very own voice comes through through the different 'styles' you have shared with us, WS. Your fingerprint is almost always music to my ear. Happiness is a good read. gypsy |
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