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All Message Boards : slipping
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Recommend  Message 1 of 11 in Discussion 
From: gypsy  (Original Message)Sent: 10/18/2008 3:32 PM
Slipping
 
the world a raindrop
sitting on a shoulder
before it rolls
in-between hills
 
cleavage rises
a valley opens for a tongue
exploring north and south
lost in-between
 
navel a closed alley
where cyclop’s eye
moistens its way
to absorb life
 
translucent dot
awakens slipping
back deaf and blind
into itself
 
 
gypsy


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Recommend  Message 2 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBranchyPeteSent: 10/18/2008 11:06 PM
 
the world a raindrop
sitting on a shoulder
before it rolls
in-between hills
 
 
I've only one thing to say to you Gyp.  Those hills are definately buttocks.  I just know :)
 

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Recommend  Message 3 of 11 in Discussion 
From: _susan_Sent: 10/19/2008 5:46 AM
cleavage rises ?
i'm sure the romantics had another way of saying that.
usually it follows something like:
her breast heaving blah blah
 
i like the last stanza.  i see haiku possibilities in those lines.
 
s.

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Recommend  Message 4 of 11 in Discussion 
From: _susan_Sent: 10/19/2008 5:50 AM
Pete.
gypsy talks about breasts.
after the drip-drops, her cleavage rises.
so going from point to point shall we say ..
stands to reason the hills are her breasts, and the valley her cleavage.
 
but i see you must have a penchant for buttocks.
 
s.

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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 5 of 11 in Discussion 
Sent: 10/19/2008 5:34 PM
This message has been deleted by the author.

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Recommend  Message 6 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBranchyPeteSent: 10/19/2008 5:50 PM
 
Yep, I've got it now.  I was a  little tiddly last night and taking it from the back, so to speak.
 
I like this, Gyp.  I like the way you merge  landscape and body.
 
translucent dot
awakens slipping
back deaf and blind
into itself
 
I'm still getting my head around the last stanza though

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Recommend  Message 7 of 11 in Discussion 
From: wrongsideoftheroadSent: 10/19/2008 6:10 PM
i thought it pretty good but my personal flavor would have been to have the body-landscape every so discretely hinted rather than full out there. either that or full frontal nudity and make the landscape part of it a fleeting hint. to me the two portions perfectly spooned out leaves little for me the reader, the selfish consumer of this bread, to do.

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Recommend  Message 8 of 11 in Discussion 
From: gypsySent: 10/20/2008 1:41 AM
Feeling too sick to comment.  I will be back.  Thank you all!  gypsy

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Recommend  Message 9 of 11 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nickname¤gypsiwind¤Sent: 10/21/2008 2:51 PM
i had a rock star dude i knew once, and he was proudly showing me a song that he'd written the lyrics for.  it likened a woman unto a storm system and honest to god when he got to her "flashing her high pressure fronts" i could not contain myself.  i fell off the stool on which i sat and wept in the floor.
 
he said,
 
awesome, huh?
 
g

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Recommend  Message 10 of 11 in Discussion 
From: jbond77Sent: 10/21/2008 6:46 PM
wicked fucking awesome becca
 
this has been recommended as an appropriate kritik
"this poem is shit"

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Recommend  Message 11 of 11 in Discussion 
From: gypsySent: 10/22/2008 6:56 AM
Slipping
 
the world a raindrop                                         my head a universe
sitting on a shoulder                                          falling 
before it rolls
in-between hills
 
cleavage rises                                                   north USA south SA
a valley opens for a tongue                               I'll always be lost in-between
exploring north and south
lost in-between
 
navel a closed alley                                           introspection (going into navel)
where cyclop’s eye                                          
moistens its way
to absorb life
 
translucent dot                                                  I am the dot, the red dot is who
awakens slipping                                              I am
back deaf and blind
into itself
                                                                        I like that you are alive and well,
                                                                        Branchy.  I talk to myself a lot--
                                                                        it is better than talking to a wall.
                                                                        I'm always running into walls. 
                                                                        The last one left me carrying a brick
                                                                        a tombstone that says 'Press here'
                                                                       
 
 
 
 
 
 
and nothing happens.
except life goes on
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
and on                                   and on                                     and on
 
 
 
 
repeating itself in the same formats, only I want to think they are new, different, but
they are only in disguise, and we're all building imaginary bridges, playing with words, painting thoughts to touch someone, staring at the screen, looking out the window, watering plants, pruning rosebushes......................................................................
 
Susan is close:  I like my breasts (because they are mine), the landscape is surreal, but what do you do with words--maybe dada, maybe nada.  It is whatever you want it to be, never what someone else wrote or meant--who knows what someone else means?  Ilusions.  Freedom is one of them.  Who wants a babbler at a time like this.
I think of my body being transferred from A to B like a dog asleep in a cage, shipped.  Better that the dog stays or vanishes and we find a new home for ourselves.  Our choice, not the shipping company's.  Homeless is a vast open universal place to sit down and contemplate.  I have done this too many times. 
 
Susan said, 'After nine years of reading posts in this group, I can no longer spell,' something like that.  It is a great line, Susie!  I can no longer spell, either...  Just keep the challenges and all the instructional wonderful work you have in other threads.  Forget the chit chat-- maybe once in a blue moon we go back to reread-- should not have time to do that, for we are supposed to be writing and reading new posts.  It is all about begin again begin again begin again...  I admit I am tired of beginning again, but is that not what we do with every breath?
 
I have at least four mountains to climb at the present, so the buttocks are okay, too, Branchy.  It's the tongue that is confused, cut in half.  Mute is the future to save the throat.  The tongue will be cut off sooner or later. 
 
Ok, cut.
 

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