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|  0 recommendations | Message 1 of 8 in Discussion |
| | (Original Message) | Sent: 10/15/2008 5:03 PM |
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that my tap shoes vanished is a truth with some modification. i think i might have left them in a storage room during my brief stay in a hippy commune. a shame. they were kindy pricey and i never got around to learning the ancient art.
i like the collage of various things disappearing, whether its wisdom, daylight, life, diphtongs or a pair of dancing shoes. don't know what the meaning is of that strange dot between the penultimate (thank you susan) and the last stanza. a dot from the colon? that could be cancer, when i think about it. anyway
it was pretty good in that regard. maybe it would have been a tad more interesting if there were more concrete things disappearing among the clutters of memory.
but yes, pleasantly small and persistent.
ws
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/15/2008 9:54 PM |
Thank you, WS. May I borrow your tap shoes for this thread? It is this ~ in-between, maybe it should have been this ¨ but I would have to enlarge the font. This .. would not be dieresis, which I fathomed a colon turned 90° to be laid horizontal. ~ dwindling dipthong, the beloved. I tried, as best as my present energy permitted, to make it not stamp and seal the idea of colon cancer. I probably gave up too soon. gypsy |
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| | | From: _susan_ | Sent: 10/16/2008 5:58 AM |
i would cut that first line. in fact, i would change the order and maybe cut a redundant phrase(s), which i didn't think worked. also, change a few words around. eliminate. let's see the dieresis, same as we see the colon.
something like this? just a possibility-- before the grand finale
the moon moves silently
as daylight dims an instant of gravity
causes a stumble
and life fails to hold up
the dots [of] a colon: laid horizontal, coöperative,
it becomes dieresis
and the beloved diphthong
vanishes ~
hollow, echoing
rocking ancient songs
a tapping in cobbled squares |
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i don't understand why you need my permission to borrow my tap shoes - my vanished tap shoes -
when you did not ask for permission to borrow my limp red candle.
both of some freudological importance.
one of these days, i will update that album.
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| you can borrow both. in fact, wouldn't it make a curious "still life". arrange the tap shoes on the table next to the dying candle. I always wanted a Magritte in my livingroom. you have my permission. |
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| | | From: gypsy | Sent: 10/16/2008 3:22 PM |
I think I get your idea, Susan, thank you. I will play with it, but, in this case, it must be in a way that it does not lose the meaning inside my mind. Ah, WS, you would ask this! I used your photo in your thread, so I only took it to give it back to its owner, the candle, a great photo, by the way. Thank you! If you take those photos away, I may wail. My shoes are prettier, but I have not loaded my camera. Thank you, WS! Yours are magic and vanished, perhaps not from a dieresis ailment to the dipthong. haha |
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