Oasis, you’ve lost the palm of her hands
and sweetness of your dates.  As shadows pass
above her crown, a fallen queen now stands
in awe of skies so blue that winter’s mass
turns cold to white.  As corpses mix with dust
of angels in the gloomy month of June,
she does her best behind dull gates of rust
where birds keep pecking with an early tune,
insanity of beaks.  Pure madness, ‘til
her mind’s a frozen icicle that’s crushed
in squares too tiny to pick up, she still
has the good sense to flurry or to shed
     the sullen eyes of darkness in despair
     and change migrating course along mid air.

 

 

oh gypsy,

 

I know Susan will come and tidy up where needs be, but i find this wonderful.

I haven't fully deciphered, but it flows beautifully. One exception is pecking,

which seems harsh to my ear, but I have no other to offer.

Nice work, gyps.

 

gray

 

 

Thank you, Gray!  I needed one more cheer before I say goodnight.  You are always so dear!

gypsy

actually it was this line that made me trip over the crack in the sidewalk:

s.

Thank you, Piper, although I never understand what "too clever" means.  I do not like that Oasis word there, either, but that is how it kicked off.

 

Thank you, Susan.  The kickoff line hardly ever is kept cohesive to the rest.  It happens with that or the ending.  Given that most of it is, somehow, sticking together, except for that, I shall try to change it.

 

It is never too cold in Lima, but I was shivering last night. 

 

Yes, I think I have the rhythm now.  I kind of like the contrast of a 'happy' tune against sad context--somehow, I always find this intriguing.  Huaynos, for the most part, sound like beautiful crying melody.  I wish I could play the violin.  haha

 

Thank you!

gypsy

oh oh oh indeed.  you write very well in a straight jacket, sister!  this made me read again.  and i love the icicle line.  and pecking... shhhhh, this is right just as is.

 

g

LOL about the straight jacket, gypsiwind!  hahaha

 

ohhhhhh...  :)