Celbrating Christmas AND Yule
Author: Jenny Schumaker
There are a lot of issues that come up when a person goes on a search for a new religion. These issues are often amplified by the fact that, for those people pursuing a Pagan path, we don’t usually have in-person access to a group of people or even a single experienced person on that path.
No one is there to tell us what to do next or model a healthy Pagan life and guide us on the way to living one of our own. No one is there to help us navigate the process of leaving one faith and entering the practice of another.
When someone has that epiphany and declares that s/he is now Wiccan it can often happen that come the beginning of December that year s/he also adamantly declares “And I won’t be celebrating Christmas!�?This is the line in the sand, so to speak. It is, the declaration of Pagan independence from Christianity and the oppressive traditions of our family of origin. It’s also a statement that is sure to cause amusement (at best), disappointment, sadness, and possibly some serious strife at a time of year when usually even nominally Christian families decide that they will gather together and get along for one or two days even if it’s only for Grandma’s sake.
My family is one of these. There are one or two people on both sides who make everyone else crazy somehow. However, even though we wouldn’t ordinarily seek them out for casual conversation or invite them over for dinner, they are still part of our family. For any major holiday, but especially Christmas, we all buck up and shut up—even if the annoying ones won’t—and vow to have a good time because it does make my grandparents and my mother happy. It doesn’t have anything to do with Jesus in particular or the practice of my former or my newer religion. It’s all about family.
But you may ask, “What have they ever done for me? Why should I celebrate a Christian co-opted holiday that doesn’t even have anything to do with the actual birthday of their supposed Christ just to make these people happy?�?
Good question. What has your family ever done for you?
There will, very sadly, be some of you who had nothing positive from your family. The truth is that there are evil people out there who neglect and abuse their children who sometimes barely escape with their lives and/or psyches intact, and sometimes don’t. The majority of us have had issues of varying degrees with our families, but nothing to this extent. Your family has probably done a lot for you in the time you have spent on this Earth.
As an infant someone was there to hold you, feed you, change you, and clothe you. As a toddler someone taught you to walk and to talk, and continued with the feeding and clothing. They got you your shots and took you to the doctor when you were sick. They tried to teach you to behave, and they sent you to school so that you could learn to read and write and think for yourself.
Someone, a grandparent or another person taking that roll, probably gave you that extra-special love that involves treats, presents, and attention that you didn’t necessarily get from your parents all the time.
And if your parents sucked, maybe somebody took you in and gave you all of those things and more, because they chose to be your family rather than it being a matter of circumstance. To some extent all of this is obligation. When you are a parent you are morally and legally obliged to provide food, shelter, clothing, education, medical attention, and comfort to your children.
But I’ll go out on a limb here and say that most of us don’t realize the sacrifice that all of this providing can entail when we venture into the realm of parenthood. Sure, everyone knows that you’re going to lose some sleep and have to change some spending habits, but it’s hard to imagine before hand what it’s like to take care of a sick child or two or more and a spouse when you’re exhausted and sick yourself. Or how you’re going to feel about not being able to get any alone time, even to go to the bathroom or shower, or to be alone or—gods forbid—actually intimate with your partner.
You don’t think about what a luxury it is to treat yourself to a really wonderful steak or cheese and a nice bottle of wine or to be able to pick up and go out for anything at a moment’s notice before you lose that luxury for the sake of keeping room in the budget for diapers, the next size pajamas, and this month’s round of baby ibuprofen/antibiotics/Oragel/cough and cold. We do and we like it because our children are our family.
“Ok, I get that, but they should accept and respect the fact that I’m not Christian.�?BR>
See, here’s the thing. That will come with time, it will not happen in an instant.
One of the best things you can personally do to gain your family's acceptance of your new path is by accepting that your family’s path has not changed and that they will still do what they’ve always done with or without you. Chances are they’d rather do it with you. And chances are your family is mostly together on Christmas simply to be together, not to force religion on you or anyone else. This is probably not the best time to try to force your choice of religion on them. And the spirit of being together, of peace on Earth and goodwill toward all mankind, starts with you and your family.
You can see this symbolism all around you, mixed with the glitter and glitzy commercialization of the season. Take some time to really look at that nativity scene your mom always puts out. Mary, Joseph, and the infant Jesus are pictured together in a state of peace as a family, even in less-than-ideal conditions.
Depending on your tradition’s myth cycle, our goddess gives birth to our god, which is his return in spirit from the Underworld. They are a family together again. It isn’t hard to see the similarities there if you are willing to see them. The big thing we all need to understand is that there is nothing wrong with celebrating a family holiday or tradition.
My husband and I do it every year. We celebrate Yule together and Christmas with our families because it is a family tradition to do so. When we ceased to be Christians we did not cease to be members of our Christian families. No one probably ever told you that it was okay to preserve a family tradition, even one that belongs to another faith, did they?
You don’t have to give up Christmas for Yule. You can have both. There is no reason to get defensive about every card or Merry Christmas wish, or even to sit out of the gift exchange. It doesn’t make you any less Wiccan to participate with your family, and being combative will not win you any respect.
Besides, just think of the opportunities you will have to educate all of these people about the Pagan roots of Christmas if you stay on good terms. Don’t refuse their Christmas cards; just start sending them Yule cards. Explain the origin of the Christmas tree and the Yule log like it’s just some trivia you picked up along the way. Then when or if there comes a time when you really must be “out, �?you’ve already shown that you’re quite knowledgeable on the subject and probably have been for some time.
Yes, yes, I know! It can get tiring, all that assuming that because you are a human being in the US on December 25th you are celebrating Christmas.
Friends, coworkers, customers or clients, you would think somebody would act like Christians aren’t the only one with a holiday in December. Even though it can feel oppressive, the vast majority of those people are not trying to oppress you with a wish of “Merry Christmas!�?
They are simply wishing you well on and for a holiday that is precious to them and to their families. It’s ok to wish it back, or just say “same to you, �?and smile knowing that you will personally get two holidays instead of one, and that you probably know a lot more about the whole thing than they ever will.
This is not to say that any one of us should be harassed or marginalized by an oppressive majority. There are certainly times and places to stand up for the inclusion of all religions or the exclusion of any religion. It’s just that your family’s Christmas dinner probably is not that time or place.
While you won’t necessarily see eye-to-eye when it comes to religion, you can all still agree on homemade noodles, gooey sweet potatoes covered in browned marshmallows, and gingerbread cookies.
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