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Message Board : Thinking of you
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From: MSN Nickname«Hıspet∞ƒury∞ŚteeL»  (Original Message)Sent: 6/16/2008 5:48 AM
 

 

 

 

 

my sweet sissa ery,

i've been thinking about you a great deal lately. Yes, missing you and feeling a certain pull
i thought had perhaps healed over and faded. Funny, though four years have nearly passed, when i have certain troubles of my own i still think of how you would have ultimately comforted me or understood. The sense of peace the thought of you brings to me is worth the heartache of missing you. i forget sometimes you are never truly gone from me.

It seems to me there is something interesting that happens in the first few years of someone being gone the way you have been gone from U/us. The romanticism of our perceptions are slowly pulled away like pieces of beautiful lace over a photo.  If a person is lucky, as i have been in knowing you, they are left with a very real, very true picture of that person... all their traits, the good ones and the challenging ones *smiles* kind of come in to focus. You are just as beautiful a soul as when i first came to love you but i seem to understand who you were all the better now. The words you left me with are clearer, strangely, they mean even more to me now than when i thought i understood them before ... certainly more than when i was lost in grief for the want of you. Now, they comfort me in a new way and give me a sense of how clearly you could see and feel things. How much you allowed your spirit to reach out and know, even in the chaos of your pain and worry for those you were leaving behind, even in the moments of your own sorrow.

So strong are those bonds of love you and i wove between us- you can still make me laugh, still make me cry, still comfort me and still bring a very wicked smile to these sometimes tired lips. i knew you were a bright and shining light when i first met you... and time has proven it so. You said you would always be with me, there for me ...and you have been true to your word. We hoped and we imagined that what we felt as sisters would span the boundaries of heaven and earth and whatever else life might bring our way... and i have been rewarded with the proof that our hopes were realized. You have enabled me to see things i may have missed had you not crossed my path- special things i would have truly regretted being blind to. You have been one of the happiest lessons of my life... thankyou sweetheart.

This year, your flowers began to sprout up again ...just like they always do in their usual two places, but i, lost in my own troubles and woes, neglected to water them.  My garden faded away thru the spring, and the hot weather dried up the pink and yellow snapdragon buds along with most everything else, never really seeing them flourish the way they are wont to. i noticed the dried up stalks as i passed back and forth, ignored the pain in my heart that i had let them die and went on with my busy life...busy busy busy!..no time for flowers these days!- This is what i told myself. A few weeks ago when again i was feeling blah, i stepped outside and looked around at things...There in now several places, not just two,- the seeds from your flowers had dropped, taken root and sprouted. They blossomed with whatever little water they could find, with no care from my tired hands.  They were beautiful, still just as you wanted them from the first, pink and yellow side by side, growing and blooming, beautifully stubborn, determined to make me a garden of some sort no matter how much i turned away from them or how foolishly i neglected their simple beauty.

You have been one of the happiest lessons of my life...i wont waste it eryckah, i promise. i'll tend to my Garden, i wont let it fade and leave it fallow. i'll be mindful of what it took to make those flowers bloom the first time. i'll celebrate the joy their beauty brings into my life no matter the season. i'll recognize the significance of the hope they bring each time they take root and blossom. And i'll do my best to keep scattering seeds of my own just like you've taught me.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.

With much love always
~fury~