Step 4 of the 12 steps

I honestly look at the effects of my actions on others and myself.

Original wording (AA):
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Honesty

When things aren't working well, the temptation is to hunker down, feel defensive, and try to prove why what you're doing should work. Of course, this won't magically make things work.

Step 4 is about stepping away from the heat of battle, and taking a non-partisan look at your own actions.

Does it mean that you were bad, and we now have to become good?

No, you're certainly not trying to become an angel (or to convince yourself that you’re one). In fact, if you try to go that route, your life somehow becomes even more unmanageable.

All you have to do is try to not be so defensive. That is, try to just face the reality of what you do without jumping to justify it in the same breath.

The original 12 steps called Step 4 a "fearless" moral inventory. The fearlessness lies in that you accept to face reality, whatever it is.

Beyond good and evil

What makes this kind of honesty possible is removing the notion of judgment - that is, the potential for blame and shame. Step Four is about looking at facts - as opposed to adding overlays of judgment and blame onto them in such a way that the facts become obscured.

There is a big difference between being in Criminal Court and doing Step 4:
- In Criminal Court, the rule is for the indicted person to avoid responsibility.
- In Step 4, your goal is to work toward taking responsibility for what you do.

Why would you do that? It is a logical continuation of the leap of faith described earlier. Your hope is that, whatever you find out about yourself, it will be something that you can live with.

This will lead you to eventually get to know your true self - - and that this might turn out to be a better person than you thought you were!