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12-step methods : A Day at a Time
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 Message 245 of 257 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameEdnpride  in response to Message 244Sent: 12/11/2008 11:17 AM
 
One Day at a Time
Thursday, Dec. 11, 2008
 
Soul Perspective

Giving

Giving (called Dana in Sanskrit) is one of the most important virtues. It is basic to all other virtues or soul qualities since it is expressed through the physical body. In fact, it is the primary means of overcoming inertia to which our physical nature is inclined. The Buddha considered it the foundation of the spiritual journey, and that it is.

Our practice of giving helps us to develop a sensitivity to others and to circumstances around us. It helps us to grow in respect and in generosity. Giving begins the process of transformation, even without seeking it. The Buddha said: “Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted.�?It is through giving who and what we are that we experience happiness.

The soul always seeks to manifest something of value to the world through your thoughts, feelings and actions. Soul is not motivated by what you will get out of it, but rather by what you can give. It is motivated by awareness of need. It knows that you have the ability to respond to that need, thereby restoring something or someone to a stature of dignity or value.

Giving and receiving

Giving is not done to fulfill a psychological need to receive. That would be self-centred egoic manipulation. Giving is done as a natural expression of the soul beginning to awaken the heart. To give with true generosity, we need to cultivate the ability to receive graciously without taking or grasping. When we are able to receive with equanimity, we have the spirit to give without expectation.

According to the Bhagavad Gita, giving and receiving are the same when done with detachment. This implies that one both gives and receives with gratitude. It is as much a privilege to give as to receive. And one can do both without being attached to them. This requires that one focuses on the love that is shared more than on the object or act through which it is expressed. This way, one stays soul connected. The detachment that accompanies giving then does not give preference to anyone. One gives to strangers as well as to familiars.

Be aware of your motives

Putting forth efforts to reach out, such as by doing good deeds, helping others, and the like, are fine, but they do not necessarily lead us to be less self-centred. It all depends on our motivation. Do we act out of a desire for comfort or security or appreciation? Do we act to make life around us conform to our image of the way life should be? Or do we respond with detachment to what we perceive as real need? We have to know ourselves sufficiently to know what our true motives are.

Helping others as a way of fulfilling one’s own psychological needs is not necessarily harmful to others, but it is not the most healthy approach. The motivation to help others can be mixed altruism and selfishness. It can be a way to avoid dealing with what is going on within ourselves. If we are to honour the soul, we cannot use others to get the comfort, solace, security and love we feel we are lacking.

Our motives will usually be mixed. We give because we recognize a need, and we feel good or get some appreciation because of our giving. We must not stop giving just because our motivation might not be pure. To gain greater awareness does not necessarily require us to stop our practice that was conducted without awareness.

Being aware during the act of giving purifies intention and can help us develop detachment and get beyond our self absorption.

Our gifts to life

On the spiritual journey there are always two essential elements. One is relating to a reality greater than oneself, and the other is helping or giving to others. These two elements speak to one reality �?that is, our unity with all life and our specific duty to serve the other in the situations in which we find ourselves.

The Buddha taught that “the greatest gift is the act of giving itself�?because it portrays the true nature of all life, which is to give itself that all might live and love. Although the motivation is not self-centred, giving to help and free others also helps and frees us because I and the other are one. It was with this understanding that when asked why he gave so much and helped so many people, Ghandi humbly replied: “I don’t give to anyone. I do it all for myself.�?

To make our giving a true gift, we could be aware of some guidelines:

  • True giving requires some sacrifice on the part of the giver.
  • True giving must show respect, and not condescension, toward the recipient.
  • We are grateful to the recipient for making the act of giving possible.

Exercises:

  1. In what ways have you given recently, and to whom?
  2. What do you find easiest or most enjoyable to give?
  3. What is most difficult for you to give?
  4. To whom are you able to give with no expectations of return or thanks?
  5. Do you have any past experiences that might affect the way you give and receive today?
  6. What prevents you from giving when you perceive a need?
  7. What usually motivates your giving?
  8. Identify some of your actions and behaviours that are considered ‘doing good�?and examine the motivations behind them. Are you acting out of a ‘should�? to maintain a certain self-image, to get approval or some other personal need or desire met, to fill some lack you feel, to feel useful, to feel connected, to avoid pain or something else?


Go beyond just understanding and attain more perspectives, experiences and integration to enable you to heal the past and create the future.



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     re: A Day at a Time   MSN NicknameEdnpride  12/12/2008 11:07 AM