H.O.W.

I'm Deb, and I am an alcoholic.

When I was drinking, I drank to black-outs, I hid full bottles in case my family poured out one bottle I would have another, I hid empty bottles so my family wouldn't know how much I drank that day, and I arranged my schedule as to not interfere with my drinking times. Finally, I'd had enough, and came here to AAOnline. I was disgusted with myself, fearful, lonely, and baffled. I had never been able to stay sober "Deb's" way. I had put together some very miserable "dry" days or weeks, but that was hell, and it definitely wasn't living. I'd tried limiting how much I was going to drink, not drinking hard liquor, never drinking in the morning or at work, etc., and, just like the Big Book says, it only got worse. I reached out for help, and the hand of AA was there for me. People in this room welcomed me, talked to me, told me of their experiences, told me how it worked for them, suggested the first steps to me to stay sober, just for that day. I saw people who had been just like me who had been able to get sober. And I saw how happy they were. At the time, I couldn't comprehend that. My God, sober and happy? Free from the obsession of alcohol? The desire to drink removed? I wanted that! And I wanted to know HOW. I kept coming back, and was here in this room for 3-4 meetings a day, listening. What was the magic word that changed these people's lives? There was no one magic word for me, but I did hear many things, too many to try to mention in one share, but a few of the key things to me were: there is a better life; this is a simple program -- a "we" program. And all we have to do is to be honest, with ourselves and with others, be willing, and to take action. Honestly admit we are powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable. Willing to work the Steps, go to meetings, and get a sponsor. Willing to turn our will and our lives over to a Higher Power, to give back what was so freely given to us, and to be there for anyone suffering or struggling. Today, I have more than I ever imagined in sobriety, a loving God is with me every moment of each day, I have the tools of the program to handle whatever life throws my way, and I have the fellowship of AA. This program, is a "we" program. We can do this; "I" cannot do this alone. By the Grace of God, the program of AA, and the Fellowship, I am sober today, thank you for letting me share.